Mahora's Mad Kitsune Hatter
by The Swordslinger
Summary: Check newest chapter for changes.
1. Chapter 1

I OWN NOTHING, as always, so if you're reading this then enjoy and review

Warning: Fic will feature a Fem Negi, Konoha bashing, the Konoha shinobi will be the embodiment of true evil except for those who truly deserve to be sparred (ex. Hinata, Hanabi, Konohamaru Corps, etc.), there will be lemons too, but in future chapters, this fic is a harem…and lastly, Naruto will be both insane yet kind…as in a goodhearted combination of the Joker from Batman and Alucard from Hellsing (If that's possible).

Plot: Naruto's the Juubi, like a kind and gentleman version of Deadpool, the Merc with a Mouth, and will have an arsenal themed in American McGee's Alice. He'll have a lot of power, yet will not take the spotlight from Negi, which name will remain the same even if in this fic he's a she. And lastly, harem, it'll be a bisexual one with Naruto being the only male and Fem Negi getting some girls to fall for her, so expect good pairings and interactions.

**XXXXXX**

Insanity included

…_The sounds of humans…_

…_The sounds of demons…_

_In the end…both are the same_

_The only way to difference them…is the heart…_

XXXXXX

We find the train headed to Mahora Academy filled with schoolgirls, the only odd ones out in the crowd was two persons. One of them is a small redhead teenager girl with beautiful green eyes and her crimson hair falling down her back to her knees like a waterfall (Like a younger Kushina). The schoolgirls around gave her some jealous stares as she was rather…ahem, well-grown in certain areas. She wore a white dress shirt with a red tie on her neck, a green office skirt, brown office shoes and a beige overcoat over her body. She also had a pair of small round spectacles at the tip of her nose and looked around nervously with her cute and innocent expression.

The person beside her was, for the lack of a better word, weird. He was a towering figure of at least seven feet of height, pushing it at eight feet at most, and had a scrawny yet muscular complexion like a featherweight boxer. He had a wild mane of spiky sun kissed blond hair with a long braid hanging from his back, and a pair of piercing icy blue pupil-less eyes. He drew all the girls' attention to him as he was a sight to see, and not because of his height, but because of his angular and manly face with no baby fat on it and what seemed like whisker-like birthmarks. His most noticeable feature was the large friendly smile on his face that seemed too friendly… though his clothes also called the attention too.

He wore a humongous, open orange cloak with a black trim that covered most of his body and with sleeves long enough to make sure his hands remained hidden from sight. He was wearing a simple black muscle shirt under it, a pair of black kung fu pants with black toe-steeled boots and black fingerless leather gloves with a simple silver ring on each finger.

Yet, the most noticeable part of this man was what was atop his head, a simple black top hat. Said hat was the typical top hat that normally accompanied tuxedos, yet had one noticeable characteristic, a card. On one the right side the hat had a single poker card sticking out for all to see, this card was actually half as big as the hat, yet instead of a colorful image of an ace, a number, or even a joker, the card had black letters in italic that read one message:

"_Insanity, you say it like it's a bad word_"

Between the two stood a big bag with a staff covered in bandages hanging from it, being carried in the mysterious man's shoulder with no effort at all. As the girls gave the odd couple curious stares the smiling blond man looked lazily at his small partner, and said in a calm, smooth tone (imagine Cheshire's voice from American McGee's Alice) "Hey, Negi-chan…are we there yet?" he asked with a rather friendly tone as he played with one of his rings.

"Umm, we should be there soon, Naruto-kun" the girl, Negi, responded. Then she noticed a tingling sensation in her nose, before: "ACHOO!" the poor redhead sneezed, but due to her special powers all of the girls' skirts flew up when a powerful gale of wind came from nowhere…the tall man for his part had a large grin on his face that threatened to split it in half and that would seem rather fitting in a cat.

XXXXXX

"So…so embarrassing…" murmured the short redhead as she ran besides the tall man, who was still smiling as they ran to meet the principal.

"Negi, you're a good girl, you know that. What happened there was just an accident" he said, before his hat shadowed his eyes and he added "An accident that forced me to show you how much of a man I am…"

"Waaah! Don't say that!" she almost screamed, beat red in embarrassment "It…It was an accident…I didn't mean to strip you!"

"…Negi-chan, you do realize that people are listening to you, right?" he asked the now about to combust girl as many people gave them odd looks, and certain girls muttered 'Lucky her'.

"Aahhh…I'm going to meet Konoeman-san!" she shouted and ran ahead with a furious blush on her face, leaving him with the bag…not that he cared that much as he just easily lifted it over his shoulder with no effort at all. He started to walk behind her, thinking with his smile still remaining '_She's way too adorable_' '(_And good looking_)' '_That too_' he said to the other voice in his head…oh yeah, he has a bit of a bit of an unstable mind, nothing to worry about if you don't make him mad.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

Naruto watched as his beloved companion ran up to two beautiful girls wearing the red uniform of the school who were, in his humble opinion, too good looking for their age. One had his favorite color for her hair: orange, she combed her hair with pigtails that were tied around with two bells. She also had unique eyes, her left eye was an azure blue, the same shade as his, and her right eye was a sea green. With her face that made her look cute, he especially liked her personality, he liked it a lot reminded of his own when he was younger…

The other girl was also very, very cute! She was about two inches taller than Negi, had long brown hair that reached to her mid back with two long bangs at the side of her face, and beautiful chocolate eyes with a nice, warm smile that made him feel her welcoming personality...oh yeah, he surely was gonna like it here.

Then, watching Negi being shaken like a rag doll and being the man he was, Naruto sneaked behind the girl, until his shadow covered her. As she noticed that the place she was in grew darker, the orange haired girl turned around, only to jump back in shock at seeing such a tall young man standing there behind her without her noticing it, smiling at her with such a large friendly and kinda creepy smile all over his face, which made her step back from the now nervous redhead. The other girl was also shocked as she took a step back from the surprise and a bit in fear.

Once Negi was safe on the floor Naruto smiled at the orange haired girl "Thanks for dropping Negi-chan, Bell-chan" he kept the hand on his hat to lift it up as a salute, creepy smile not leaving his face until it changed into a friendlier one, his blue eyes locked with hers, putting her in a small trance "Now that you dropped Negi-chan please tell me what did she do to you, Bell-chan?"

"Stop calling me Bell-chan, you weirdo!" she growled at him, and his smile was still on his face, yet a small tick in his eyebrow showed he didn't like the term she used before pointing at him "Now, wait a minute!" shouted the now courageous girl "Just who are you, pal? And what is that redhead girl to you?" she asked, then pointed an accusing finger at him and saying "You better be a kind gentle man to her and not an abusive jerk, you hear?"

'(_Damn, this girl's on fire!_)' Naruto smiled, thinking the voice in his head was right. He then stood straight up, with his hat now on his chest, and smiled a bit more at the orange haired girl "How about a riddle?" he asked with a playful smirk.

"Huh?" was all the two school girls could say, and he took that as a yes.

(An advice - Listen to The Man Who Masterminds The Game soundtrack from the Ace Attorney: Investigations 2 game when reading parts like this 'riddle' in this fic, I found it kind of fitting)

He smiled more, and began "Is the love this cat shares, the signs warnings and bewares, to get passed the true evil, those who made a deal with the devil? Or what is it that he doesn't share, that holds us into his menacing stare... left in trance, without a chance at a second glance, he's gone... but where?" he ended with his playful smirk still in place, before he changed it into his warm smile and said "I'll give you a clue: my name is Uzumaki Naruto"

"Wait a minute, how is that a clue? You told us your name" the brunette said logically…making him smile more.

"A name is a possession written in paper…yet who we are is not based in ink, but in what we cannot write" he cryptically said before giving them a wide smirk "Now, this girl here is Negi Springfield, and who I am to this girl beside me is as personal as she wants it to be…" he trailed off…before the meaning of his words hit the girls.

"Naruto-kun!" whined a madly blushing Negi "You-you don't have to say things like that, you know"

"But I like to tease you, Negi-chan" Naruto replied.

"Waaah, you two are such a cute couple" Konoka said cheerfully, and Naruto chuckled as Negi blushed even more.

"Konoka! Don't say things like that in front of these guys" The orange haired girl said to her friend, pulling her away from the duo… and then something clicked in the girl's mind as she pointed at Naruto "You are her boyfriend?" she asked in shock before shouting "How can someone as old as you be her boyfriend?" she asked, before muttering under her breath "I need to learn a thing or two of how their relationship works" she said as she thought of the obvious age difference with Negi looking about her age, or a bit older, and Naruto who looked to be in his early twenties.

Negi was the one to answer "Actually, it's because of Naruto-kun has been with me most of my life… and being my most beloved person" she ended with a small blush as the blond chuckled warmly, then bowed slightly to the orange haired girl and said "Anyways, I'm sorry for what I said, even if it was the truth"

That did it.

Soon Negi was held by an angry Asuna, shaking the poor redhead girl back and forth. Naruto dropped the bag and was about to interrupt, when a voice simply did so for him: "That's enough, Asuna-kun" said a man's voice, before the owner turned to the odd duo "It's nice to see you two again, Negi-kun, Naruto-kun" the owner of the voice was a man in his thirties, with short gray spiky hair and rectangular glasses, he also needed a shave. He wore a gray business suit, a white shirt and purple tie with brown shoes.

"T-Takahata-sensei! G-good morning!" said a flustered Asuna

"Good morning, sensei!" Konoka said cheerfully.

"Long time no see, Takamichi!" Negi and Naruto said in unison.

"E-eh!...you three know each other?" sputtered confused Asuna.

"Welcome to Mahora Academy, Negi-sensei! Naruto-kun!" said the now identified Takamichi.

"S-sensei?" asked a confused Konoka while Asuna stayed quiet watching from a distance.

"Ah, that's right!" Negi bowed like a japanese lady to Konoka and Asuna while saying "As Naruto-kun said before, my name is Negi Springfield and I'm gonna be teaching English at this school" said Negi with her slight bow which Konoka returned.

Naruto simply got his entrance by bowing in a gentleman manner with his to hat in his chest and smile still plastered in his features, and saying "And I'm just a humble yet cool and good looking hatter by the name of Uzumaki Naruto"

"Wait, you mean these two are going to be teachers? I find that hard to believe, Takahata-sensei" Asuna asked in shock. There was no way that those two could possibly be teachers, especially that red haired girl… she was at least two years older than her at much.

"Excuse me, Bell-chan, but people say that to see is to believe, though many believe in what they cannot see…which of the two would you decide to be?" Naruto asked cryptically as ever, making her a bit angrier.

Before Asuna could explode Takahata decided to jump in, "Actually, Asuna-kun these two are pretty smart for their age. Negi-kun here is a child genius and Naruto-kun passed his competency tests for being an assistant just to be in the class and help her"

Asuna looked at Takahata, "Sensei, even if you tell me that…"

"It seems that from today onwards these two will be taking over class A instead of me" was all Takamichi said. Konoka seemed surprised, but Naruto was really focused on Asuna, who looked like she was about to explode: "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I DON'T WANT A CHILDISH GIRL AND SOME WIERDO TEACHING ME!"

The tall man shadowed his face with his hat "I take offence to that, you know..." he mumbled, not liking the term the girl gave him.

Asuna ignored the blond as she pleaded with Takahata, pointing at Negi "Plus a while back she was saying 'Love…' um… something really rude to me"

Naruto looked at the small redhead before kneeling down and whispering, "What did you tell her?"

"I said her love was unrequited," Negi whispered back, causing Naruto to shake his head before Negi continued, "But it's true"

"IT IS NOT TRUE!" Asuna picked her up by the collar of her coat and began to shake the poor redhead "I hate two things, kids and people that act like kids, you annoying little flea!"

Naruto was about to stop her, he already had put down the heavy bag and ran up to them, but as he grabbed her arm some of Asuna's hair tickled Negi's nose. And that's when he heard an all too familiar sound, Negi sneezing. The blond knew what the sneezing meant, so he took a step back…and once the redhead sneezed in front of Asuna she blew away her clothes, leaving her in nothing but her bra and bear panties.

"Bear...Panties...Cute..." said Naruto holding a nose-bleed, to which Negi grew flustered, Takamichi just looked away with a slight blush, Asuna plopped down on the ground,

"KYAA! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" yelled an embarrassed Asuna,

XXXXXX

The hatter and his girlfriend were at the dean's office. Asuna and Konoka were with them, as they wanted some answers as to who were the two of them. They didn't wait long as a man pushing it in his hundred or hundred and twenties entered the room, he had a long beard, a ponytail in his weirdly shaped balding head and big eyebrows that looked as if they were…moving.

"Principal-sensei! What's the meaning of this?" said a now clothed Asuna who was now wearing a gym jacket with sweatpants and white sneakers.

"Ah, if it isn't Asuna-chan? Nice to see you this morning" he said but when his eyes landed on Negi, he started talking, "Hohoho, Negi-chan, I see your training was to come to Japan as a teacher, that's quite the task they've given you" the man, Konoeman, said with a chuckle before turning to Naruto "And I see you brought Naruto-san with you, that's always good"

"Y-yes," Negi said giving a slight bow, "It's nice to meet you!"

"Same here" replied Naruto by waving his hand.

"Hohoho, that's good. By the way, Naruto-kun, what do you think of being with my granddaughter here Konoka?" the old principal said, just for Konoka to pull out a mallet from out of nowhere and hit him over the head with great force.

The girl giggled "Oh Grandpa…he already has a girlfriend" '_And both are so cute, especially Negi-chan_' she thought merrily with a small blush at the end as Negi watched this with a sweat-drop, her right eyebrow up and Asuna doing the same but not in such an extent, meaning she was kind of used to the weird spectacle, but Naruto was in a chuckling fit.

"Wait a minute, isn't it just a little odd that this girl and her older boyfriend are going to be teaching us? And our home room teachers no less!" Asuna asked still in disbelief, as processing something like this was hard. Naruto couldn't blame her for being so confused at such a bizarre situation when the girl's teacher was just about two years older than her and the assistant was as insane as only he could be.

"Negi-chan" Konoeman spoke interrupting Asuna "This job will probably be very difficult even for you, even with Naruto-kun's help" he paused, looking seriously at the oddly dressed hatter to make him see he was serious, before turning to Negi once again "So if it is too hard you will have to return home. There will be no second chances, do you accept?"

Negi looked nervous but Naruto put his hands on her shoulders, causing her to blush a bit, even if he knew Konoeman was being serious the tall hatter had a great faith in the girl "Don't worry, Konoe-san. I'm sure Negi will do her best and she'll have help from me if it becomes too much. That's what I am here for" he said smiling at the small redhead and got Negi to relax seeing as she wasn't alone in the whole ordeal.

Negi smiled as she instantly felt better, "Yes, I'll do it!" she said which a courageous expression on her face.

"Then it's settled," Konoeman said, "Now, let us begin today. Let me introduce to you our staff guidance councilor Shizuna-sensei"

The door opened and Naruto, who was still seated, felt his warning signal went off in his head. Unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you see it, Naruto could not get away and found his face pushed within a soft, oh so very soft, mass of flesh…'(_We are one lucky bastard_)' '_Agreed_'. Negi blushed furiously as Naruto found himself suffocating a bit, before the blond pulled himself out of the suffocating, yet comfortable, experience, and stated "Not to be rude…but that was an interesting experience"

"It's alright" the woman said giggling slightly.

Konoeman repressed the urge to give a perverted giggle, and said "If there's anything you don't understand, you should ask her"

The woman looked at Negi and the whiskered hatter before giving them a small wink, "It's a pleasure to meet you two"

"Oh, and one more thing," said the old man who looked like a light just came on in his head "Konoka-chan, Asuna-chan, can Negi and Naruto stay with you for a little while. We have yet to find a place for them to stay at"

"Geh…" was all Asuna could think to say as she gaped at the old man and suddenly slammed her hands on to Konoeman's desk "What! From when until when, Principal-sensei?" she shouted.

"Don't you feel sorry for them?" Konoka asked as she hugged the small redhead girl like a teddy bear "Besides, Naruto-kun doesn't seem like a bad person…just a bit bizarre" she admitted and the hatter chuckled at her honesty.

"I told you I hate kids! So having this girl that acts like one is no different!" Asuna yelled at the brunette "And even if that blond is a gentleman I don't want some weird guy that would fit in Wonderland and someone that acts like a snot-nosed brat in my room!"

The blond shadowed his eyes with his hat, yet gave the girl a smiling, menacing stare "I still will take offence to that, you know?" he told her with his smooth voice as she glared at him a bit, yet she found his eyes to have the effects of a trance on her.

"You two get along now," Konoeman said as the two looked away from each other.

XXXXXX

As the five, including Shizuna, walked to the class, Asuna was glaring daggers at Negi and the blond carrying the redhead's stuff for her, making the poor small girl twiddle her fingers uncomfortably, very quickly Asuna stopped and pointed at Negi. "I refuse to live with someone like you! You are so childish that I can't believe you're a teacher!" Asuna shouted, then pointed at Naruto "And you are the last person I want to hear something from, you have lesser screws in your head than an asylum. So go camp outside with a sleeping bag or something! I'm going ahead! See you later, senseis!" with that she stomped off.

Konoka blushed a bit as she bowed to them and ran after Asuna; Naruto shook his head as he looked at Shizuna. "Is she always so lively? Is it that we remind her of something she wanted to forget, or could it be that she needs to remember something?" he trailed off as the elder teacher raised an eyebrow.

"Um…" she began, trying to decipher what the cryptically insane man said "Uuhhh… that girl's always been a little rowdy, but she really is a nice person, her only problem is that she is very lonely due to her past" Shizuna replied and the blond gave an understanding nod as she took out a book and gave it to Negi "Now this is the class roll, will you two be ok?"

"I-I'm sure we'll be fine, Shizuna-san. Come on, Naruto-kun, we must meet our class" said Negi, nervous at first but regaining some courage as she and Shizuna entered into the classroom with the blond right behind the girl. Before they went in Negi looked overwhelmed after seeing she'd be in charge of 31 girls who were just two years younger than her. Naruto already had seen who he'd be teaching and was happy to work with girls like them.

His mind drifted back to Konoeman's question of being with Konoka, he could have said he had Negi…but even she knew that he needed to get more than one girlfriend. _'Maybe we can find someone here to join Negi-chan and me, might be nice to have someone…like them_' '(_Your life sucked, hard…heck, even Negi-chan thinks we need THAT kind of help and is willing to go through with it after seeing what happened to us…You're one lucky bastard_)' '_Just tells me how lucky I am to have her_' he thought as he placed a reassuring hand of his girl's shoulder and they walked into the room.

Negi walked through the class first and was about to enter, only for Naruto to place a hand on her shoulder to stop her. The small girl turned to her beloved person and saw him stepping forwards, before taking out an eraser that would have fallen over Negi from the door, commenting to himself "Brings back memories…" '(_About pawning a certain traitorous dog bastard_)' '_My thoughts exactly, brain of mine_' The hatter then opened the door and put a foot inside but stood outside, letting a bucket fall, avoiding it from damping him as he had stepped on a wire that activated the trap, then watched with a small smirk as suction cups were fired at the wall…next thing he knew was that everyone stared at him with disbelief, and two petite pink haired twin girls snapped their fingers in frustration.

"Now, now, ladies, to trick someone like me you need a thousand years more of practice" Naruto smiled as he stepped inside. Some of the girls blushed. The Narutaki twins were the most impressed, even if their pranks had been ruined they had to admit it had been a good way to find a perfect target. But the hatter did catch their reactions _'Aha, those twins are behind this, not bad. They're the ones who set those traps up. Note to self: keep an eye on them.' '(Didn't know you were into lolis)' 'Oh shut it, you know what I meant'_

"Now girls, here is your new teacher, now why don't you go and introduce yourselves?" said Shizuna and nudged the shy girl.

Said redhead gulped but stepped forwards "Right, um, my name is Negi Springfield. And I'm your new home room teacher."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"SHE'S SO CUTE!" Every girl yelled at once as they jumped at Negi, and the hatter had to admit they were right as she kind of looked like a very cute doll. Negi reminded Naruto of his mother Kushina and also of Hinata, she had the looks of both, which combined gave her a beauty even females would fall for, and her kind and gentle heart was what he loved of her the most, even more when it turned into the courageous form of the fighter girl that he met six years ago.

But now he had to save her, so as he set down the luggage he put a hand inside his humongous cloak, before taking out a multi-colored cone with a red string that he pulled. With a loud 'Pop!' the whole class turned to the smiling man with the hat as confetti fell down in front of him and on them. Naruto used that chance to pull Negi out of the pile of bodies, just as the orange head Asuna flipped out again. But their peace didn't last long as the two were bombarded with questions from the class:

"Are you really our teachers?"

"How old are you?"

"Where do you come from?"

"How smart are you two?"

"Where do you live now?"

Naruto was enjoying this, he really was and didn't want to stop them, but he knew to get anywhere he'd have to get the class silenced, "Ok! That's enough, if you have questions then please go to your seats and then we will answer them" he said, which got their attention so they sat down with curiosity in their eyes, he turned to Shizuna, who was mildly surprised to see him take care of the class so easily. "Ok, Shizuna-san, we'll take it from here" he said which she just nodded with a smile, then wished the redhead good luck and left the room. Naruto turned toward Negi and had her get the class started while he got a chair and sat down, looking at the class with his large friendly smile not leaving his face.

_'Naruto-kun is just as amazing as ever, he took care of them like it was second nature...I-I gotta try harder!'_ she said to herself while calling for the class to start asking their questions, which were asked by the reporter of the newspaper club, Kazumi Asakura, who had her microphone ready.

"Okay, first question, Negi-sensei, where do you and Naruto-sensei come from?" Negi's fellow redhead asked.

"Wales" she answered.

"How old are you Negi-sensei?"

"16 years old"

"And you, Naruto-sensei?"

He looked at her with his smile still plastered on his face, and his deep smooth voice almost made her melt right on the spot "I'm 21 if you must know"

"How smart are you two?" she asked after avoiding to blush.

"I'm fluent in English" said Negi.

"I'm more of a Jack-of-Trades you could say" the hatter honestly said with a shrug, which got some confused looks from some students.

"What's your favorite color?"

"Uh, red if I have to take a guess" said Negi as she never thought of it

Naruto looked at Asuna's hair for almost a minute, making her face red, before answering "Mine's orange"

"Last question, do either of you have a special someone?" she asked, to which most of the class leaned into, before backing away when the hatter laughed his ass off:

"Hahahahahahahahaha!" He had a hand on his face while laughing in a very merry mood. (Play The Fragrance of Dark Coffee from the Ace Attorney games) he then instantly seemed to compose himself as he stood straight, and smiled at everyone with that playful smirk both Asuna and Konoka saw before one of his weird riddles "Only a special someone?" he asked with that playful smirk and a matching tone on his deep smooth voice, making most of the girls shiver, but not in fear, and he continued "For a true man, there never is such a thing as a special something…Yet to ask him for a special someone is one of the things you should never ask a real man" he then flashed the reporter girl a smile that almost melted her away "Calmer than a placid meadow, a heart kinder than an angel's caress, the bravery and loyalty of a true samurai, the strength of the wind, and a smile clearer than April's sky…that's a true man's special someone…"

Suddenly he heard a voice calling him deep in his mind: '(_You're one good bastard, you know that, right?_)' '_It's thanks to you, brain_' '(_Aw shucks, you're just saying that_)' As Naruto was talking with himself in his own insanity, all the girls, including Negi, shared a bright red blush, some dreamy stares, and others gulped down hard, they also shared the same thought: '_Must…not…rape!_'

That's when Naruto skillfully stepped forwards before smiling in his friendly foxy manner, and said "Now, if we're done, I'd really appreciate it if you let Negi-chan begin today's lesson"

"Negi-chan?" asked the redhead girl with the microphone, then asked "Wait, you two know each other, right? What is your relationship?"

"Well, all I can say is that Negi-chan became one of my special people ever since I first met her" he said, introducing himself as the girls blushed a bit in embarrassment yet felt a mixture between jealousy and admiration to their new redhead teacher for getting the 'Foxy Eye Candy' "Now, can we please begin the class? I believe that Negi-chan has work to do after all"

"Oh, thanks, Naruto-kun" said Negi with a bright smile that made him smile more "Well, let's get to class and do our best" then she grabbed her book and turned to the blackboard "Right then. First, turn to page 128 and... and…" Negi realized something as she tried to write in the blackboard "I can't reach!" she said a little embarrassed.

The blond hatter had to suppress a laugh as the small girl went to the black board and was attempting to teach… despite not being able to reach due to her small size not letting her reach where she wanted to write. Naruto was about to take the chalk from her hands and write whatever she said, but then smiled at Ayaka offering her a stool… but sweat-dropped at her dreamy look toward the sixteen year old teacher as she seemed to have a very big liking to the girl for acting so childish.

Naruto just looked around the class until he found what he was looking for. Malice intent all focused on Negi. He saw Asuna take a piece of eraser on flick it at Negi. Naruto caught it before it hit. "Huh?" was all Negi said as she looked behind her because she felt a breeze. Naruto just smiled and turned to Asuna with his friendly smile.

"Could you please stop firing your eraser, Bell-chan? I think you'll need it more than I do" he said "And I'm sure Negi-chan wants to get on with the lesson"

As both girls looked away from him with mild blushed, the one with the bells stated under her breath "Those two are not normal"

XXXXXX

Class ended without much disruption, but the only problem now were the rumors flying around about the small and adorable girl teacher and her foxy hat wearing companion. Naruto and Negi were sitting at the statue by the stairs near the fountain, the hatter carrying a bento box for the redhead girl in case his precious person was hungry. The two sat peacefully, and Naruto had to suppress a laugh at seeing Negi act like a small kid, drawing horns on Asuna's photo as well as putting words like 'Mean' and such like any other kid about ten or younger would. Naruto actually thought nothing of it as he liked it when his girlfriend amazed him… until he saw a student of their students. Nodoka Miyazaki, she was carrying books from her waist to her head.

"Isn't that Number 27, Miyazaki Nodoka-san?" asked Negi as she saw her as well and watched, until she started falling "I knew it!" Proclaimed the redhead as she used her staff to make the poor girl float and save her just in time, something that made the blond smirk as that kindness was one of the reasons he liked Negi, but while this was happening Naruto saw Asuna watching it all, then watched as Negi looked up to see her staring at her with complete surprise.

"S-sensei...?" Nodoka mumbled before she lost consciousness.

Acting fast, Asuna grabbed Negi, and dragged the redhead away, Naruto instantly dashed off to keep watch, while discreetly making a shadow clone to go check up on Nodoka. When he found the two girls he hid himself in a tree, watching everything from a safe distance.

"I knew it! You and Naruto are some kind of super-guys!" exclaimed Asuna as Negi was slammed against the tree.

"N-no you're...mistake-" she said, before being cut off.

"Don't try to fool me! You're some kind of superhero!" She Said as she continued to pester Negi, and Naruto smiled a bit, _'(Superhero? Is she for real?)'_ '_too many comic books, perhaps_' '(_Maybe_)'

"N-no...I-I'm a...Mage..."said Negi in panic.

"Whatever, it's the same thing, isn't it?" Asuna said.

"P-please...don't tell…a-anyone" Negi almost cried.

"No way!" the girl with the bells said, and Naruto sighed as he dropped down from the tree, scaring them.

"Negi-chan, you know what you gotta do, you are the one who can do the mind spell, so get it done" Naruto said in a serious tone despite his smile, making Asuna feel true fear.

"W-wait, w-what?" the student said as Negi nodded and pointed her staff at the younger girl…Naruto's subconscious kept telling him to look away or close his eyes...but was soon silenced by the voices in his head yelling 'Just look, you fool!' and he obeyed them.

"Vanish" chanted the redhead… but it did the opposite of what it was supposed to do...

Naruto's eyes shot wide open when the spell blew off Asuna's clothes instead of erasing her memories, and there he had two thoughts going through his head: ''Why did it not work on her?' and 'Does she have an ability to cancel Magic?' passed through his head…before the two girls heard a loud 'Thud' and looked to see Naruto passed out with a nosebleed, they looked back to see why…and went beat red as Asuna's clothes vanished instead of her memories...Too bad Takamichi picked the wrong time to be walking around the area...

That's when Naruto bolted up to see Asuna screaming since Takamichi saw her without panties...He sighed and thought he might as well help her out since she didn't deserve the embarrassment, so he went to Asuna and covered her up with his cloak, which she looked at him in surprise, "Sorry if the color ain't to your liking, but I can't let you get a cold now, right?" he said as he nodded to Takamichi, then turned to Negi "Let's go, Negi-chan, let's get her a change of clothes, see ya later, Takamichi" he said as he lead Asuna to the locker rooms with Negi beside him.

Takamichi watched them go with a smile on his face, "They remind me of the old days" he said as he kept walking.

XXXXXX

After getting Asuna another school uniform and she returned the blond his orange cloak, albeit with a blush seeing how built he was despite being so thin, we find the trio walking down the Hall to get Asuna's things as they got to the door, only to step back in surprise.

''SURPRISE! Negi-sensei! Naruto-sensei!" cheered the whole class while Asuna came out of her stupor and turned to the duo "Ah, that's right, I forgot we were having a welcoming party for you two!" she told them as the hatter smiled much more.

"Heh, thanks, girls" he said with his warm friendly smile and then turned to Negi, lightly pushing her on "Go on, Negi-chan, go enjoy yourself" the girls smiled happily at him and just nodded with the smile not leaving her face as she talked with the other students while Naruto just leaned against the wall, with a smile on his face…and playing with cards in his hands.

"Aren't you going to join them?" Naruto turned to see Chizuru talking to him, he smiled warmly, all while poker cards flew in between his hands.

"Nah, I'd rather spend time playing games…" he said as soon the class went to see him flipping and turning cards midair before doing awesome tricks like jugging with the whole set at fast speeds.

As the party went on Naruto watched as Asuna ran out the door with Negi close behind her, now, being the boyfriend he is, he had to go watch and keep his beloved princess safe from any danger. So when he went outside to see Negi on the floor and about to lose her innocence a bit too early and in a way no one would expect, the hatter knew he had to help. And with that he substituted himself with the girl with bells on her hair… but by doing he closed the height difference needed for contact, meaning he made himself kiss Negi, which made her go wide eyed, while Asuna was slack jawed and bright red as a Christmas tree.

Naruto was shocked, for one, Negi not only was extremely beautiful but looked like Nekane, his mother and Hinata together, second...Kazumi with Ayaka and the Narutaki twins were watching while the reporter girl was taking pictures.

"Negi..." the blond tried to say, but the sound was muffled by Negi's kiss, and the poor girl was still too shocked to move or even say a thing, just like the orange haired that felt herself growing really flustered and confused…as well as mildly jealous.

"Y-yes..?" said a now dazed red headed girl, the feeling from the warm skin rubbing against her own put her in a weird trance…before the hatter smiled.

"I didn't know you were so skilled" he said…and that's when the teacher girl realized that when kissing the blond she had absent-mindedly deepened the kiss by going a bit French…not that he cared. And that's the moment that Negi chose to pass out, the blond was quick to act and grabbed her before she hit the floor…and couldn't help but smile at her sleeping face.

'(_You sir are one lucky son of a bitch that is also my mother_)' '_Agreed, my good brain, agreed_'

**XXXXXX**

**And done! Now, since this fic is a bit different than others I'll have to take it a bit slower, but don't worry, it will be epic in length just like Negima has always been**


	2. Chapter 2

I OWN NOTHING, as always, so if you're reading this then enjoy and review

**XXXXXX**

I love the smell of love in the night

(A/N: some of you have bothered me saying that Naruto's face couldn't get in Shizuna's chest, and I say that you NEED to read more carefully. Now, I'm not angry nor anything, but please take your time reading and use some sense before spamming me with the same line, because on the paragraph explaining Naruto's comfortable suffocation it says this: 'Naruto, who was still seated' which means he was still in his seat, which meant he was sitting on it and his head would have been at a woman's chest level…kind of easy to understand if you DO read it carefully and patiently, please, otherwise I'd be hours replying)

Naruto and the others were walking to their dorm, he carried a happy smile while the teacher girl and her orange haired student carried a blush. He chuckled "Well, that was certainly an interesting first day, wasn't it, Negi-chan? I got myself to steal a kiss from you thanks to Bell-chan almost doing the same" he joked, making Negi blush and got Asuna annoyed.

"Hey, I told you I was just practicing confessing on her, I'm after Takahata-sensei anyway" she said as Naruto smirked at that.

"Age and bells, time spoken with small sounds to prove one is much older than the others, Bell-chan" he said in his cryptic way, but Asuna did know what he meant and swiped at him, only for him to catch her fist "No hitting the humble and honest yet good-looking teacher, Bell-chan… unless wanting to enjoy some tea all alone with this mad hatter" he said once again talking nonsense, which got the girl to look at him puzzled yet blushing at the meaning behind his words.

"You're…not sane, are you?" she said with a sweat-drop as he smiled even more.

"Now, now, sanity is too dull, and insanity is only relative to personal normality" he said with a smile as he walked forwards, leaving the rest a bit stunned.

Then, "ACHOO!", "KYAA!" and "You did it again!" was what he heard, the last part shouted by Asuna as her skirt was blown up by Negi.

"I'm sorry!" Negi apologized and Naruto smiled his foxy smile as he continued on his path heading to the dorms.

XXXXXX

Asuna sighed as she reined in her anger after the incident was over, "Anyway, Negi… you… you may be smart, and maybe you can use magic or whatever…" she crossed her arms as she looked at her "But you're way too childish whether you like it or not. Do you really intend to be a teacher in spite of acting as if you were just a six years old?" She asked rather sternly.

Seeing her face frown, Naruto placed a hand on Negi's shoulder and smiled at her, his eyes conveying the message 'You'll be fine'. The small redhead, looking up at the girl, gave her a big sheepish grin and replied "I-I'll do it, I'll give my best!"

"That still doesn't mean I will like having you two here" muttered the girl, whispering to herself "Though I could study how to get a mature man…"

"Ah, is Bell-chan as mad as a hatter?" Naruto asked as he did one of the oddest things in the world…he pulled a tea set from his hat "Well, let's drink some tea to get you in a better mood and then you won't have to worry about me, because I'll be as magical as you want me to be…" he said playfully while he handed her and the other two girls a cup of Darjeeling they kindly accepted, then smiled and wrapped his arms around a now blushing Negi to bring her closer into a hug the redhead found rather comfortable as she hid her blush by sipping her tea.

"As for me sleeping, I can always be Negi's big teddy bear, see?" He finished while Asuna was slack jawed and Konoka blushed bright red at them while other people around them started whispering 'Cute couple' and the typical 'Lucky her' which Negi blushed at hearing, the poor girl not caring that much right now what they said as she was way too comfortable.

'(_Daaaaaaamn, you're good_)' '_When you're insane you can do the craziest of things_' '(_Amen, bro!_)' "Now, the one you have to worry about is Negi-chan here" the hatter continued as he comically wrapped one arm around a now blushing Asuna in a protective manner, making her swallow her tea down in one gulp while he pointed at Negi in an accusing way, which Konoka giggled at while the poor teacher girl was getting redder than her hair from the attention.

"What do you mean by that?" the still bright red Asuna asked while Negi was sweating bullets.

"Oh, time may be measured by the dings of a bell, yet answers will take more time than one may think" the blond said in his cryptic, riddle like way as he was handed the cups from the girls before putting them back inside his hat as if nothing happened and picked up the bag. The four of them headed to the train that leads to their dormitory as people clapped at the magical trick.

"Negi-chan...is your boyfriend always that...weird?" Konoka asked with wide eyes, while Negi just nodded.

"Yeah, Naruto-kun has always been like that. Though that's something I like about him, he's always nice no matter what he's doing…and really kind too" she said with a small blush still on her face while walking toward the train, a dumbstruck Asuna following behind still dazed in embarrassment after the hug.

At the dormitory we find the group walking into their room which by the looks of it had a bunk bed, with a couch on the opposite side of the bunk bed, two desks at the windows and a bathroom just a few steps away from the bunk bed, as Konoka and Asuna were placing their things down, Asuna looked to see Naruto not having any bags.

"Hey Naruto, where are your bags?" she asked as Konoka wondered that as well, as Negi was now nervous as she knew what her boy did with stuff, while Naruto just looked at them.

"Oh, that…wanna see a trick?" he asked and took off his hat once again…before pulling out another orange cloak and more of his clothes, followed by a rubber duck, a fox shaped pillow, a weird looking nightcap…and a toothbrush. As Konoka clapped and saying how cool it was to see his magic 'tricks' Asuna was a bit slack jawed and wondered how he could pull that off while Negi tried to say they couldn't use magic…only to be silenced by a kiss that left her speechless. All discussions ended quickly and everyone went to sleep.

XXXXXX

_"So you wanted to say something to me, Asuna-kun?" said Takamichi, while in front of him was a flustered Asuna, as she was twiddling her fingers looking down, Negi behind her with a cauldron that had the words 'Love' inscribed on it._

_"T… Takahata-sensei, I… I made you some tea," Asuna said as she held out a cup to her not so secret crush, "It's really good"_

_"Hmm, that's a… very interesting tea!" said a new voice._

_She turned to look up when she noticed the great level of insanity in the voice of someone who was definitely not Takamichi. Then she looked down at herself "Wha…what the!" she shouted when she noticed her clothes had been changed. Now she wore a blue dress with a white apron in front and a big white lace keeping said apron on her body, her legs were now in tight white silk thigh-high socks and she wore normal black school shoes._

_She then noticed she wasn't in her school anymore. The place she was in seemed like a big camp or a hill with grassy grounds and a yellow brick road she was standing in…it also had colors which were bright, much too bright and vivid to be on the planet Earth. The hills around the area had faces on them, happy smiling faces as did everything lying around. The sun also had a face, but its features were more spastic, with its eyes blank and staring with its mouth wide open._

"_Wah, someone help me! I'm going to fall!" shouted another voice, and Asuna turned to see Nodoka standing on a brick wall, yet she was also dressed oddly…and looked much weirder. The shy bookworm had blue overalls, a white dress shirt and a puffy blue hat…all of them with too many frills. Yet what called Asuna's attention as that Nodoka's body was now shaped like…an egg "Someone please help me or I, Humpty Dumpty, will break apart!" she shouted while trying to keep her balance…only to fall._

"_Honya-chan!" Asuna shouted and attempted to catch her…only to see the now egg-shaped girl fall in a cushion, said cushion was beside a table filled with cups and puts of tea, some small bowls having too many sugar cubes and some small platters carrying cookies. Asuna hadn't noticed it yet, but she was already sitting in one of the fine looking chairs at one end of the long rectangular table, all chairs looked nice, but each were different and just simply didn't mix with their weird designs._

"_Glad you made it, Asuna" said a voice the girl recognized, and turned to see her good old friend Konoka…with big floppy hare ears atop her head. She wore a red overcoat and had a black skirt with black leather boots…and her cheerful smile talked a bit more about insanity than a merry mood._

"_Konoka?" Asuna asked fearfully, testing what little sanity might be there._

"_Konoka…?" said girl echoed, before shaking her head "I think you are mistaken, I am the March Hare, would you like some tea?"_

"_Oh yeah, tea would be good" said a new voice squeaking in, and Asuna saw to her shock that it was Negi's. The red haired girl now had a pair of cute round white mouse ears atop her head wearing a green robe and a pointy green hat atop her head. Beside her sat a blushing Nodoka, before the teacher turned to her student "Oh, it's good to see you, Asuna-san. I, the little Dormouse, missed you"_

"_As I did" said a rather smooth and insane voice. The girl looked up to the other end of the table and saw an ominous figure stand tall as a tree. His face was covered by shadows, and he dressed rather oddly. He had green dress pants and vest over a white dress shirt, a white cravat, brown shoes, and white gloves. All over his body he wore a humongous yellow overcoat, and atop his head was a green top hat with a slip of paper sticking on it with 'In this style 10/6' written on it._

_She noted the spikes of hair sticking out of the hat and asked hopefully, almost fearfully "Takahata-sensei…?"_

"_No" the figure plainly said as it started to walk through the table towards her, and cupped her cheek affectionately "I am the Mad Hatter, Bell-chan" said that voice that was way too young, smooth and insane to be Takamichi's. That shocked her to look up, and when she did she was face to face with Naruto, who had his lips inches apart from hers._

_"W-wha-" she was silenced by their lips meeting together..._

XXXXXX

"KYYAAAAAAAA!'' Asuna shouted as she woke up in utter shock with wide eyes after her rather bizarre dream… and saw something she didn't expected to see…a naked Negi, in her bed. Asuna blushed so madly that steam almost got out of her ears at the bizarre situation.

''Huh? O-onee-chan?'' mumbled a sleepy redhead, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

''Hmm, is it morning already?'' asked a now awake Konoka.

''What are you doing in my bed?'' Asuna asked angrily as the redhead just blushed madly before grabbing her clothes.

''It's just back home I sometimes sleep with Onee-chan, and I also like to sleep naked'' she said as Asuna huffed before she jumped off the bed.

"Next time use your boyfriend or someone else!" she shouted with a red blush as she had seen her teacher's body…and was slightly jealous. That's when she noticed something; she was standing on something soft. She looked down to see a Futon made, that popped up another question, ''Hey, where's Naruto?''

Negi just looked at the time "Naruto-kun always wakes up around 3:30 to 4:00 A.M to get some early training in, I'm surprised he's not back yet" she said which got confused looks from the now up Konoka and Asuna.

"He trains? In what? Martial arts or something?" Konoka asked, but before her teacher could answer the door opened to a still sweat covered Naruto, only wearing sweatpants. Asuna and Konoka blushed at seeing his well sculpted body from the hair down to his feet, even if he was skinny he had a well built chest with a 6 pack, his arms ripped to the core while they dripped with steam that was coming off him. All of it made them blush until steam was coming out of their ears.

'(_Dude, awkward moment, as your brain I command you to say something useful with no smartass tone_)' "Uh...yo?" '(_Real smooth, Captain Dumbass_)' '_Thank you, General Sarcasm_' he said as the girls got out of their stupor while a newly dressed Negi was getting up like it was a normal occurrence, albeit with pink on her cheeks. Naruto just grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom to take a bath and change.

While he was changing Asuna looked at the time "Oh God, I'm gonna be late!" she said as she got dressed with a sweater over her school uniform then ran out the door.

"Asuna-san...where are you going?" Negi asked.

Konoka answered "To her part-time job" she said while putting on an apron. Then the bathroom door opened up to a now dressed Naruto, she smiled at him and turned to her two new roommates "Negi-chan, Naruto-kun, how do you like your eggs?"

The hatter gave the two girls a sly grin that made them shiver, and not in fear, before he quickly pulled them close to hug them, friendly smile now in place "I like my breakfast with a side of love" he said with a wide smile as the cheery girl giggled happily at the joke, despite blushing like the redhead.

XXXXXX

Meanwhile inside the classroom a few students were chatting at the back "Naruto-kun definitely has the aura and essence of a demon, yet he hasn't shown any true ill intent nor even a clue of himself being more evil than a twelve years old prankster…what do you think, de-gosaru?" said Kaede to her friend Mana.

"Not sure, don't know enough to make an assessment, although him having a demon's aura is a shocker. I may need to investigate a bit more about him" said the tan skinned girl.

"Should we attack him or let him be? He doesn't seem to have any ill intent…yet I feel uneasy as to what trouble he could bring with what he is" said another student named Setsuna in shock as the thought of a demon being near Konoka was something that made her feel uneasy.

That's when the group got the classroom's door, Negi opened the door for Naruto to catch a chalk a board eraser then jump over his girlfriend while putting the eraser on her hands, tripping on a thin wire. Je jumps into the air to side-flip and put his hands in his cloak's sleeves, taking out two poker cards, the Jokers of heart and diamond. He then threw both cards as shurikens against a pair of plunger arrows, said toy darts fell to the ground attached to the cards, while he stood there with three cards in between his fingers in each hand…and began swinging his arms around in a crazy frenzy. When he finally stopped everyone noted the falling slices of pie that landed on their desks…he smiled as he had already grabbed four.

He looked at the slices he caught in his hands and handed one to his roommates while he tasted his: "Mmm, strawberry, not bad" he then turned to the twins that had snapped their fingers in defeat and gave them a cocky smile "You two are a thousand years too young to beat me when pulling a prank on someone" his smile grew wider when they glared at him a bit…before he used a smirk Negi, Asuna and Konoka knew too well "I have a riddle for you two: two little mice, walking up against a fox, the fox wonders who will be the most clever in a battle of lies…who'll be the one to win in a fight of traps?"

"We will beat you!" shouted the twins in unison with their fists pumped up.

Chizuru, a very developed girl with a motherly aura, giggled at the scene, thinking '_He's rather good with kids…maybe he could do some tricks in the daycare_'

XXXXXX

After everyone enjoyed their pies the class began once again "S-stand!" Nodoka called out, each girl stood up as the kid sensei and the butler entered class, "Bow!"

"Good morning, Negi-sensei! Naruto-sensei!" the girls called out.

"G-good morning" Negi said, still somewhat nervous about her job, though she decided that she had to do her best, "Well then, let's begin. Please open your books to page 76"

Naruto watched the class and couldn't help but let feel kind of bored as he played with his cards, making a castle in silence. He was bored but still went back to watching the class whenever he could, particularly Asuna who was once again fighting with Negi. Ayaka had offered to read, but Asuna not wanting to be upstaged by the blonde girl had decided to try instead… needless to say, she needed a LOT of help.

"Asuna-san, you're pretty **bad** at English, aren't you?" Negi said, not knowing she was embarrassing her further, Naruto listened as some of the students put her down as they said she was only good for P.E with a frown on his usually cheery face. Then he got a surprised look on his face when she was actually tearing up…and saw Negi was about to sneeze, which by bad luck was aimed at Asuna...again. He felt the need he had to save her from more embarrassment and jumped out of his chair, hopping over a few desks and getting in front of Asuna once again, saving her from what came next...

''ACHOO!'' sneezed Negi as the class turned their heads from the gale of wind that blew to Naruto, blowing off his clothes, with the orange boxers he had on not doing a very good job at hiding a certain part of the male anatomy because of its size not helping…the girls would never forget the size of what they now dubbed 'The Hammer'. He turned to see Asuna was okay, but blushing at seeing him the way he was, he sighed as he just knew this was gonna be a big day, he just knew it...

He had a shiver going down his spine when he looked around, seeing most of the class now looking at his body and seeing them look at his sculptured body made him feel with a bit of pride knowing his training was good for something else. But from the hungry look in some of their eyes did make him a little uncomfortable, like he was some piece of meat on display, his eyes turned toward a now beat red Negi "Negi-chan... I'll be back in a moment" and with that calmly said he walked off.

'(_You_ _and me are going to lose a lot of privacy, even if we already have a girl, you know that?_)' '_You and I both knew I couldn't have let the girl suffer like I did in-_' '(_Hey, hey, forget about that crap of a traitorous village, ok? That's why you have a crazy voice in your head like me as a part of your own sanity and insanity all together to keep you company_)' '_Still, I don't like to see people suffer…at least the innocent ones_' '(_That's the ticket, pal. And when we find someone who is like those traitorous backstabbing hypocrites…well, I'll have some fun then_)' at this point Naruto actually smirked…in pure insanity '_Fine by me_'

XXXXXX

After class was over Kazumi smiled in pure pride as she had taken some pictures she secretly snapped when Naruto's clothes were blown off, now all she had to do was to get them printed out… oh yes, tomorrow Naruto was going to be the next top ranked male in Mahora...

While Negi left the classroom, Naruto turned to see Asuna in front of him with a nervous look in her eyes, "Is something wrong, Asuna-chan?" he asked with worry in his voice replacing his normal insane tone.

She looked at him for a moment before looking down, "Naruto" the hatter stood quiet as he knew this was serious if she used his real name "...Why did you...throw yourself in the way when Negi was about to sneeze earlier today? I can understand if you say it was chivalry, but-" she was cut off when she felt a hand on her shoulder, when she looked up she saw Naruto's eyes, which were once again filled with his crazy cheerful personality and… understanding?

"Well, to be honest, Asuna-chan, I did it because I think you were being embarrassed enough, when I saw what the class was doing when they were chastising you like that, I saw you actually starting to tear up when that happened… I guess you could say my own insanity put me in the way, heck if I'm being honest with myself'' he said while nervously scratching his head despite not changing his happy friendly smile "I... I just don't like it when girls cry, especially my friends, so I didn't want to see tears going down your beautiful face like that, a person's face is at its brightest when you're either smiling or laughing out loud, that's what I like to see'' he continued while chuckling a bit like the Joker from Batman, not seeing her shocked look.

''I know what Negi-chan is doing, she knows that with everything that has happened in just a day, she tries to make it up to you, but she just goes with it the wrong way. So please just give her a chance…what I'm saying though is, when you need help, all you gotta do is ask and your very own Mad Hatter will be there, I mean after all I am your sensei, understand?" he finished and was about to turn around but was caught in a hug by Asuna, which surprised him.

"I got it...sensei..." she said as her voice was muffled as she buried her face into his chest, when she let go he looked at her with a smile as he pat her head.

"Good, I'm glad that's settled. Now go enjoy your break because class starts again soon, and I like to be punctual" the hatter said with his friendly smile back in place, walking away.

She just nodded, while she left the class she had just one thought stuck in her mind, _'He really is a good sensei, when he needs to be..._' she mentally thought, with that she ran down the hallway, leaving Naruto who was leaving the classroom with a gentle smile on his face.

"Hoh, Bell-chan is really a good person when she wants to be…all you've got to do is help bring it out" he said to himself as he walked down the hallway to meet a certain redhead girl.

XXXXXX

"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun" said Negi as the two were by the statue "I embarrassed you and nearly did something terrible to Asuna-san again-" she would have continued had her boyfriend not pulled her into a hug.

"Don't worry, Negi" the blond said with a hearty laugh "Both you and I know you didn't do it on purpose, but you should control yourself some more" he smiled when the girl snuggled closer to him, before he noticed that Nodoka and two other girls that Naruto recognized from his class were walking towards them.

"Um… Negi-sensei" Negi looked to the source of the voice and noticed the girls in her class.

"Ah… yes?" she asked with a small blush as she didn't want to let go of the hatter's chest, making the girls feel both envious and slightly sad.

"Excuse us, sensei, we have some questions about today's lesson" the green haired one said.

Negi smiled, "Ah, certainly, let's see… you're Satome Haruna from seat 14, aren't you?" she asked.

"Ah, it's not me. It's this girl," Haruna said as she pushed Nodoka forward, said girl gaining a rather large blush.

Naruto was looking at what they were doing and smiled seeing as the girl looked very shy. She so reminded him of a certain girl he met in the past '(_I know what you're thinking, because I'm you…she certainly is cute…and my oh my, does your cute girl attracts even people from her own gender_)' '_You and me know why_' '(_Yeah, I'm just envying you because I'm bound to not have fun when she and that girl are together and you get to see them sweating heavily in-_)' '_You get lonely at night, don't you?_' '(_Guilty as charged, you lucky son of a badass bitch that was your mother_)'

"Miyazaki-san, you've changed your hairstyle" Negi said with a smile, noticing the girl's hair was a bit different, but not noticing her growing blush "It really suits you!" she added, intensifying Nodoka's blush.

But Haruna instantly made herself known as she grabbed onto Nodoka's face and brushed some of the hair away to reveal the shy girl's cute eyes "Doesn't it? Doesn't it just? Don't you just think it's cute?" Haruna said with a happy grin "She's such a cute girl, but she never shows her face!"

Nodoka's blush intensified to the point where Naruto was about to make a joke about a certain red nosed reindeer, before that could happen though she let out an 'eep!' as she ran off. The other girls following her, "We're sorry about this, sensei!" they yelled as they chased after the poor girl, only for Naruto to block off Haruna.

"Haruna-chan…is it the love of two that is forbidden which makes you help others? Or is it the fact that what ones forbid is what you love to do?" he asked with a crazy smile plastered on her face…making her give him a perverse smirk of her own.

"I know you have Negi-chan as your girl, Naruto-kun…" she started, before her perverse smirk gained a sly tone "But I want to see…what can you and Negi-chan do when more people want to join in"

"Is that a challenge?" he asked with a predatory smirk…which she returned with a truly sinister smirk of her own.

"Only if you want it to be" she said as the atmosphere around the two froze…both feeling a very kindred spirit in the other.

"I'd love to see" he said with a now friendly smile, and she returned it with a happy one of her one.

"Good, I'll be waiting for the results" she said skipping happily…yeah, kindred spirits.

"What was all that about…?" Negi asked, Naruto chuckled at his girl's density with people's feelings, even if she was a woman "What about her question?"

Naruto smiled at her, "Let's not worry about that, we have things to do and a class to teach" '(_Man, this girl will grow into a heart robber…you lucky bastard_)' '_I know, even I can't believe how much luck my ass can shit_' '(_Disgusting but true analogy, my good sir_)'

XXXXXX

"Asuna-san! Asuna-san!" shouted Negi as Naruto was busy playing with sweets, already making a pyramid of small chocolate cubes he planned on eating, he watched the red head run up to Asuna, where she began to talk excitedly.

"What do you want?" Asuna asked with a slight growl.

Negi's smile did not leave her face, "I did it, I actually did it!"

Asuna went from angry to confused, "You did what?"

"Love potion" Negi replied, "The love potion"

_'This won't end good'_ '(_That's a 10-4_)' thought Naruto as he watched his girlfriend holding the pink potion without the insane hatter knowing when she made the pink magical tonic. But the blond gave a sigh of relief when Asuna stood up and began to walk away, "I told you I don't want it" she said and began to explain her reasons.

Naruto took a step back knowing this would be trouble as Chizuru walked over to him, "How are you, Naruto-san?" she asked smiling her warm motherly smile.

He turned to her and smiled back, giving her a friendlier smile than he usually had "I'm fine Chizuru-chan, and you?" he asked back and took a chocolate from the pyramid he made before he started eating.

"Good, seems sensei is in better spirits than before" she commented seeing Negi looking happy.

"Yeah, Negi reminds me of the best qualities of people, she always gets back up if she falls down. People normally call that insanity, yet people have to be crazy to give up without trying with all they got" he said smiling at Negi's direction.

"Hey, I wanted to ask you a favor, Naruto-kun" she asked hopefully "Seeing as you're quite good with magic tricks, would you like to come to the daycare I work in and do a magic show for the kids?"

He thought about it, and remembered three kids who always followed him anywhere, their leader always calling him their boss…some of his true friends, innocent kids… '(_Hey, hey…snap out of it, you're diving way too much into the past_)' '_Yeah…thanks_' he then turned to the motherly girl and smiled in a friendlier way "Just tell me where to go, Chizuru-chan"

The girl was ecstatic and hugged him in happiness…but before either could say a word both heard "You drink it!" from Asuna as she threw the potion away from Negi's hands…said pink bottle fell into the hatter's gaping mouth, he tasted the potion and gagged on the taste once he swallowed it before he pulled the now empty bottle out his mouth as Asuna and Negi were utterly shocked.

"Naruto-kun, are you alright?" cried Negi as Naruto wiped his mouth after spitting the aftertaste of the potion.

"I'm fine, but that tasted like crap. Please be more careful, Asuna-chan" he replied as he sent a pleading look at Asuna.

Said girl blushed a bit "It's not my fault, and nothing's even happening" she said with a shrug only to hear a loud moan from an almost forgotten busty girl.

"Naruto-kuuun" said Chizuru as she wrapped her arms around Naruto's neck "I wish you could show me your magical tricks instead, Naruto-kun, and I mean all kinds of magical tricks you may come up with…" the sly tone made Naruto's face go red as Chizuru's breasts pushed into his chest, it didn't help her comment had that much sexual innuendo. Now, while he would have preferred to enjoy the sensation of something that big and soft, he figured she wasn't in the right state of mind thanks to the potion…although:

'(_Do it, you fool!_)' '_No, damn it, aren't you supposed to be my conscience_' '(_Conscience is that very little part that hurts when your whole body feels good…besides, if I, your conscience, says so then it's good_)' '_…It seems I still have morals_' '(_Shit! All this luck now gone to waste_)'

As Naruto squirmed out of Chizuru's very comfortable grip and had that discussion with his own insane self Negi had already realized what happened "Oh no, now Naruto-kun will attract every girl that sees him!"

"You too?" asked Naruto in shock.

But the redhead shook her head "You and I are already a couple, so it won't affect me, but the others will be"

"Oh crap!" Asuna shouted as she just now realized that she just threw all her classmates at a rather insane man with several issues. She was blushing as the busty girl pushed herself into Naruto more and more in very compromising positions while she saw Naruto having a face that could only be described as chaotic, and that was because he and his inner voice were having the debate of the century about whether to enjoy what the big breasted girl could do for him or to be a righteous man…having already a girlfriend made him decide the latter rather easily.

But as soon as he tried to get out of Chizuru's grip, he heard "Chizuru, you don't seem to know it's not right to have a teacher-student relationship…" Kaede said speaking up from her book of ancient Ninja clans.

"But I can't help myself" the busty girl said, grabbing a blushing Naruto, not that he disproved of it all.

"Huh? Oh wow..." was all the hatter could think of saying at the softness of those two mounts of flesh, then Kaede grabbed his arm, pushing her chest against it, thus giving him a very pleasant sensation as his two roommates watched bright red and gaping at the odd spectacle.

"... Naruto-sensei, please train with me now" Kaede said under the love potion's spell "If I don't do good enough…you are allowed to spank me…"

Naruto could only cry in his mind '_Oh…why must a man suffer like this in front of his girl_' '(_Kami-sama must be testing you, so don't you fail_)' '_So says the one who wanted me to take advantage from hypnotized girls_' '(…_The dog ate my homework…?_)' '_Now that doesn't make sense!_' '(_I'm a voice inside your head, how am I supposed to make sense?_)' '_Touché_'

"You've got to be kidding" muttered a mad red Asuna after what she heard from Kaede, Negi almost fainting as the idea crossed her still innocent mind, all while Naruto had another little fight with his own brains.

"Oh, sensei!" Three girls behind Asuna yelled with stars in their eyes. At this both her and Naruto knew they had to get out of there, so the insane blond hatter did another of his tricks…he smirked and dissolved into playing cards along with his whole set of clothes. The flock of cards flew up to the side, away of the girls chasing him where they converged to form the crazy blond, with his clothes still the same. "NARUTO-KUN!" They shouted, as if the fact a crazy blond had transformed himself into cards and reappeared the next second as himself was normal occurrence, and then he ran through the halls avoiding many of the girls knowing that their infatuation at the moment was the result of magic, had it not been like that… he by now would have been a very happy and insane man.

"Naruto-kun" He looked to his left to see Kaede running right next to him, he was oddly impressed by her speed despite his situation, although Asuna had also impressed him because for being a normal girl she sure kept on with him rather good and easily even if she pulled a short redhead teenager. But as the ninja girl started to reach for him he started picking up the space before hiding in a nearby room and shutting the room.

"Should be safe in here for a bit" he said to himself.

"Naruto-sensei…?" he turned to see Nodoka.

"Hi, Nodoka-chan, I'm kind of hiding from the other girls, do you mind if I stay here?" he asked having walked into the library where she organized some books.

"S-sure, Naruto-kun… besides… I want to ask you something" she said getting a nod.

He hid behind the door and Nodoka stood next to him as her face reddened and she started to feel hot. Naruto, not noticing how her face reddened, decided to start up a conversation "So I take it you take a lot of…" Naruto was saying as he turned to his shy student… only to find her unbuttoning her shirt to show a VERY nice chest, might not be big, but damn, the figure was a killer "N-Nodoka-chan, what are you doing?" he stuttered as he tried to back away.

"I need to talk to you about my emotions, right now, Naruto-kun… and I want you to learn how I feel about you…and Negi-sensei" she said as Naruto tripped and fell over on to the floor. Something the now not so timid girl used to her advantage as she began straddling his waist.

'(_Ask her, 'Nodoka-chan, would you kindly let me fondle your breasts?'_)' "Nodoka-chan, would you kindly get off?" '(_Traitor!_)' he asked nervous and mad at the same time as he tried to shift out from under her, only to find that she held a firm hold with her legs locking him in place while running her hands on his muscular chest… yet he had to thank Kami his control over what gave him the right to be a man since birth stayed calm…for now.

"No…I need to ask you…how is it that you have Negi-sensei…and that I want her?" she said as she unbuttoned the rest of her shirt to reveal her light blue bra and rather perky breasts.

"Wha…" he said, but not that surprised, Negi's beauty attracted a lot of attention.

"I…I feel so safe near her…" the shy bookworm said and rested her head on his chest "I'm afraid of how I may end up like in this situation…yet I don't care…but you are already with her…so I want to know if I could fit in…"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" shouted a voice that Naruto wasn't sure whether to thank for being there or fear it for the same reason, his internal voice knew what to say about it: '(_Party-pooper_)'

Suddenly the door to the room was kicked in and poor Nodoka was overcome by a lot of her emotions… thus falling unconscious. Naruto looked at the door to see Asuna standing there with Negi behind her, both blushing madly, "Oh Asuna-chan, thank Kami you're here" he said getting up… only to get punched in the face full force by his 'savior' and knocked out himself '(_Sucker Punch, the movie, now at 9.99 in your nearest shop_)' '_Shut it_'

"Asuna-san… there was no need to do that" said Negi as she caught up with Asuna.

"You said the fastest way to break the spell was to knock him out" she defended with a blush seeing the state she found the two, and what she heard…she had been lucky she had arrived there before Negi.

"I know but... you still didn't have to be so harsh on Naruto-kun…" stammered Negi.

Suddenly the hatter's arms raised up in a zombie like manner before his whole body did the same as if he were a mummy from the 30's movies, earning an awkward creepy silence as he then proceeded rub his head, and then walked with Negi and the others "Did you really have to hit me so hard, Bell-chan?" he asked.

She huffed and blushed remembering the state she found him in "I didn't have a choice, you know?" she said, then held up her fist, a small bruise on it to which she pointed, and continued "Besides, that punch hurt a lot, what is your head made of anyways?"

"Rocks and steel, is what hit my head the most, yet being a knucklehead is what made me tough" he answered.

"Will you one day give me a straight answer?" she asked with a sweat-drop.

"Nope" he plainly said as the girl's sweat drop grew a bit, before he walked off "Now, I have somewhere important to go to, so please excuse me" he said with the two of them nodding as he headed to the woods near the school, yet keeping themselves at a safe distance from the other girls in case the potion still worked.

XXXXXX

Naruto had walked a long time through the woods, night was approaching as the last rays of sun fell down to the other side of the globe…and he smirked.

"I have a riddle for you" he said to apparently no one in particular if you don't count the six pair of eyes looking at him intently, and he continued "When is a stroll through the woods like a battle?" silence…and he smirked once more "I'll tell you…whenever you want it to be" he said, and put a hand inside his sleeve…

*Bang!* the crazy hatter immediately leapt away from the hot lead that had been aimed at his feet, obviously a warning shot as Mana's voice said "That was the first shot, I wasn't aiming to kill, only to test you…and I must say you're rather good"

Naruto smiled as the six figures dropped from the ground…a very matured girl with perma-shut eyes, a very cute petite blonde girl with long straight hair, a girl with a ponytail on one side of her head and a rather big sword, a green haired girl with two antennae for ears, the very same tanned girl that had shot him a while ago…and a little puppet with the same antennae for ears than the green haired girl…He actually smiled friendly.

"Hoh…" he mused calmly as his eyes inspected his opponents "Evening, Kaede-chan, Eva-chan, Setsuna-chan, Chachamaru-chan, Mana-chan and…do I know you?"

"Name's Chachazero, and I wanna cut you into little pieces" the small puppet replied in a rather cheerful, uncaring and creepy tone…making the hatter smile a very insane expression of joy that made the girls take a fearful step back.

"It seems you really are insane, glad I took some measures" Evangeline commented as she took two vials from her black cloak.

"I'm doing this free of charge since you have quite the unusual aura for a demon" Mana explained as she took aim with her handguns.

"Naruto-sensei, I'm sorry for this, but we won't rest at ease until we test your mettle and know what may be your true intentions that way" Setsuna commented as she drew out her sword.

"These are orders from my master, so please don't take this as a personal matter, Naruto-sensei" Chachamaru apologized herself with a bow while aiming a very big cannon at the hatter's head.

"Besides, testing our power against yours will tell us how much stronger we may need to become in the future, de-gozaru" Kaede explained with a smile while drawing out her shurikens.

"I just want to cut you, to slice you into sushi" Chachazero said in an evil giggle.

He just smiled, but whereas his smile was usually friendly this one was the stuff of nightmares. His eyes were almost blank, staring into nothingness with a dead glint in them as his lips pulled back into an ample face-splitting smile that showed off he did brush his teeth every day after every meal. The mindless glance that his eyes gave the warrior girls made them feel uneasy, because both of those unearthly demonic blue orbs and that smile of sick joy talked about only one thing…insanity.

He mused out loud "Hoh…a catalyst vial…guns filled with anti-demonic bullets…a sword from a master swordswoman…an anti-tank cannon…old school ninja arts…and my oh my, is that raw insanity I feel in the cute little puppet?" he asked as even Chachazero stepped back, to which his insane smile grew even wider "Oh, yes!" he cried in joy as he extended his arms to his sides with his smile widening even more, before dramatically shouting at them "Come at me and attack with all your might! Show me how much worthy you are to be called warriors in this world filled with lies! Strike me down, oh brave ladies from Mahora, and show me your true power!"

*Bang!* He didn't need to say anymore as Mana pulled the trigger, at the same time the bullet went right at his throat Kaede shot a whole array of shurikens and kunais at the crazy hatter, Setsuna slashed viciously at him without stopping along with Chachazero, Evangeline had thrown a good deal of vials against him, making icicles stab at his body, while Chachamaru helped her master by shooting high caliber bullets…

And then they noted something…something that terrified them…he wasn't going to avoid any of the attacks. Instead, he stood there, his eyes still glazed and his mouth in that sickly joyful expression…before all and any attack to his persona fell to the floor. The tips of the edged weapons stabbed the ground even before they reached an arm's radius of his body, as well as the bullets, both the 9mm and the anti-tank ones…He smiled even more…until his face couldn't hold the insane expression of bliss.

The hatter's cloak floated in the air, being raised by the wind of the star covered sky…with a third hand coming out of it…a very delicate and gentle looking hand, the kind only a noble kind hearted fairy tale princess would have, was coming out of the shadows from the cloak, floating in between the darkness inside the mad hatter.

He chuckled darkly "I'd like to introduce you to a very special person of mine…but if I did then I'd have to go full-out…and that'd mean I'd have to harm you rather badly" he said as the hand reentered his cloak, giving the girls chills, even to the puppet and the robot. He turned to them "So instead of that, I'll fight you all…with these" he said and took out…poker cards?

"What? Are you going to kill us by taking all of our money in Black Jack?" asked a rather angry Evangeline as she threw another vial at him…only for it to fall down…and split in two. She then heard a loud crash and the whole team of warrior girls and puppet turned to see a tree cut down which fell to the floor, a clean cut on its trunk indicated it had been sliced off…and the culprit was the simple poker card that now had stabbed itself on another tree.

"No…" was the rather cheerful answer from the insane hatter as he took out more cards and held them in between his fingers as if they were shurikens to throw at them, he let his hat shadow his eyes, making them see the deadly blue orbs in the shadows, before he spoke "I just want to play a game…"

"Master, he's as evil as you…though much more insane" Chachazero commented, and Evangeline didn't feel like making a reply, as she took her twin butterfly knives from the ground and the girls took their battle stances, ready for what the being that seemed made of pure raw insanity in front of them might do.

"Come on, oh brave ladies of this world of chaos!" he hollered "The night is way too young for us to let it go to waste! Show me all you've got and let me remember this battle even through the endless mazes inside this broken mind of mine!" he almost sang…and the girls actually smirked, save for Chachamaru.

"Bring it on!" the girls shouted in unison, and the battle began.

Setsuna charged in first, followed closely by Chachazero as Evangeline moved her hands in the air. The hatter felt his body become rigid and noticed some invisible grip on his arms…and strings. Evangeline let out a victorious smirk as she had trapped the insane blond…only for him to easily block the sword and knives with his cards, which with a closer look Setsuna and Chachazero discovered that were made of steel.

"Sakurazaki, Chachazero, get away from him!" the vampire shouted after seeing that her strings had been easily broken by the hatter's brute force, the girls did so when the hatter spun around and almost landed a kick on their faces. Chachamaru made herself known as she fired much more high-caliber bullets that the hatter barely deflected by throwing his cards midair to use them as shields; Evangeline took out four vials and threw them at the floor, before a big set of sharp ice daggers erupted from the ground and advanced at the hatter, along with Kaede and Mana.

"Interesting" mused the crazy blond as he roundhouse kicked the ice spikes, breaking them with ease, before parrying an humongous shuriken with both arms from Kaede…and felt the cold metal steel on his left temple accompanied by the cannon at his back, sword right to his throat and the knives aimed at his…'treasure chest', fortunately said 'chest' was safe if the scream of stopping and the displeased groan about not seeing blood were anything to go by.

"Rather interesting" he mused again, making the girls feel wary of him, because if someone just calmly mused that he was a little bit impressed then it meant he was able to hand their asses a whooping of royally epic proportions if he was mad…and he was already a copy of an insane demonic Mad Hatter, so deciding not to take chances they stood in their positions, besides, something troubled them.

"Why aren't you aiming to harm us?" Setsuna asked, as she was the most interested into what Naruto would do when in a battle, and because Konoka lived with him, so she wanted to know how much she could trust a demon as bizarre as this one with her most beloved person.

"Oh, that's right, you wanted to test me through this fight…" he said as if he had remembered what day of the week today was, then smiled at them, this time warmly "Now you can say that someone as mad as a hatter tested you too…besides…"

*BAM!* All the girls were instantly knocked back, their weapons falling from their hands…and now two of those delicate arms were coming out of the darkness inside the hatter's cloak, before returning back to the shadows they came from. The hatter simply turned and said out loud "You girls are a little too young to fight me, if I did go all out you may have ended dead, and I'd hate seeing any of you harmed, no matter how insane I may be" was the last sound of the hatter's voice…before he turned into cards that flew away.

The girls looked at the cards flying in the air, only one question in their heads: '_Who are you, Uzumaki Naruto?_'

**XXXXXX**

**And done, next chapter I'll advise you that sanity will not be included**


	3. Chapter 3

I OWN NOTHING, so enjoy my craziness

**XXXXXX**

A crazy walk in Library Island

Later after his battle and walking out of his new room Naruto walked with a towel on his shoulder and orange swimming trunks with a black trim, he smiled thinking that the academy had a bath house as big as a pool and wanted to check it out and have some fun, once there he just let himself enjoy the water, his long braid was finally untied as he rubbed the shampoo on it.

"What are you so embarrassed about? You act like a kid!" Naruto looked at where the voice came from before moving to the far side of the bath, finding a place to hide for a moment.

"Come on, take off those clothes!" Pretty soon Asuna came out in a black bathing suit with a naked Negi, full C-cup breasts, slim waist, large hips, heart shaped rear and shapely legs was what forced Naruto to hold back his sly smirk as the redhead girl did have quite the nice body; Asuna then proceeded to throw her teacher into the pool. That was when Naruto decided to sneak behind her and make himself known.

"Hey Bell-chan!" said girl jumped about three feet in the air before falling in the water "What are you doing stripping Negi-chan?" asked Naruto innocently as the girl rose from the pool. Asuna's eyes widened in shock as she turned to see Naruto, she was about to say something when she noticed his state of dress. Having already seen him half-naked didn't help to keep her blush under control. Unfortunately for her Naruto noticed this and smirked predatorily "Is there something wrong, Bell-chan? You seem to be blushing quite a bit"

Asuna's blush increased tenfold at being caught staring, "I-I am not. Anyway what are you doing here in a girl's bathroom-!"

"AH, NARUTO-KUN!" Negi screamed at being caught by her boyfriend, quickly covering her parts as Asuna blushed even more at what she had done to her poor teacher.

"Hey, Negi-chan! I just wanted to take a bath calmly in here since there is no better bath, I didn't know I'd run into you two…nor that I'd see something I ain't supposed to see until marriage" the now hatless hatter said with a sly smirk that increased both girls' blushes "Anyways, what are you two doing here?" he asked calmly as he thought he had embarrassed them enough, and he had already gotten enough fun.

"I brought Negi here because she didn't know where the baths were, and when I offered to keep her company she just got embarrassed as if sleeping naked beside me wasn't like this" Asuna said and the redhead lowered her head with her blush increasing.

"Sorry…I just don't like bathing with others…" Negi apologized in a quiet, shy, timid voice as she had hidden her parts from her boyfriend's view by sinking deeper into the water.

"So that's why I dragged her here, mainly because I also needed a bath" Asuna said and raised her hands to show that she had a bar of soap, a towel, and some hair conditioner.

Naruto turned away with a sly smirk "Have fun with that, Bell-chan. I'll just take my bath away while ignoring you two" he said, getting an appreciative smile from Asuna.

"Sure Naruto" she said keeping a hold on Negi as she tried to run and dress herself.

After that they talked for a while and both Negi and her boyfriend learned that like him Asuna's parents were dead, apparently Konoka's grandfather had been helping the girl. But she did not want to be dependent on him, something Naruto could understand and so had taken up doing a paper route job to earn money for tuition. Naruto was actually impressed with her desire to pay her way instead of mooching off of others, something he himself had learned the value of when he was living on his own in a place worse than Hell.

This story had also affected Negi like most sob stories do and the two girls had gotten into something of a fight, since Asuna did not want any form of pity from her two years older teacher. Fortunately or unfortunately the fight was stopped when voices were heard outside, voices which Negi and Asuna recognized and decided to hide in order to avoid a scene, where as Naruto sank to his neck in the water and followed the two girls, because if the class saw the three of them together and with Negi naked then bad assumptions would come to their minds.

The girls came in and due to overhanging branches Naruto was hidden from view, and oddly enough he heard the oddest thing "We should have a boob contest. Whoever has the biggest boobs gets to room with Negi-sensei" Yue said in her normally small voice, though looking at Nodoka with an accepting eye.

When she said that Naruto's inner pervert was raging inside his mind, waving flags saying 'Score' and shouting '(_Stay there, you fool!)_' He didn't need to repeat himself as Naruto was knocked out of his stupor when Kaede walked in as did Kazumi and Chizuru. Now Naruto was in turmoil, he was having trouble from holding in his nosebleed for seeing such lovely ladies, '(_Remember, those are Kaede, Kazumi and Chizuru, they have a body that should not be on a middle school student!_)' '_Hey I'm not complaining, No, no! I gotta-_' he stopped thinking when he saw Mana walk in, his mind shut down '(_You were saying?_)' '_I'll stay a bit more, but…_'

He turned toward Negi and Asuna, "Hey you two, I'll distract them but you better get out of here, ok?" he said, to which they nodded. Then he sighed, knowing this will be a hectic night. He jumped out of the water, and waved at the girls "Hey girls! How are you doing this fine evening? Enjoying the pleasures of the moon in the water?" he asked with his charming tone as they turned toward him with shocked looks before...

"Kyaaa! Naruto-sensei! What are you doing here?" said Nodoka while the other girls were taking in his body once again, even Mana was looking him over out of the corner of her eyes and joined the others to blush when he gave them a charming foxy grin.

"What, can't I take a bath once in awhile?" he said with mock hurt, Nodoka just blushed more and looked away,

"Ah, but since you're here you can decide for us, de-gozaru..." Kaede said with a mischievous tone.

His eyes grew wide at that '(_Well, play this out nicely and we won't be boned_)' "What are you talking about?" he asked playing innocent, that is until the girls started surrounding him, '(_Nice going, retard_)' '_Thanks a lot, Lieutenant Sarcasm_' '(_Hey, I was General!_)' '_You got demoted, asshole_'

"You can decide which one of us has the bigger breasts!" said Kazumi with a smirk.

'(_Well now, this ain't so bad_)' '_Gotta agree with ya_' He just stood there stunned for a moment, before a playful smirk crossed his face "Really? Then, oh how would I determine that?" he asked as he saw Negi and Asuna already out of there, completely safe and running back to their room now completely dressed.

The girls blushed a bit and started to hum in thought. But while they were thinking on 'how' he started backing away slowly, that's when Kaede noticed "Where are you going, Naruto-sensei?" she asked innocently with a grin as he stopped, thinking up an excuse.

'(_Be smooth like Michael_)' "Uhhh...sorry girls, I forgot I had something to do so, uh...Bye!" '(_Can't believe I am your brain_)' '_Wanna be demoted to private_ '(_I'll be good_)' he said/thought as he ran out with the girls chasing him...before he simply took out something they didn't expect to see: a…a bottle of pepper?

Without saying a thing he threw the bottle to the ground, and the girls didn't expect to see a big cloud of smoke the likes of a smoke bomb from a ninja movie appear and blind them as well as making them sneeze. Once they were done sneezing and crying because of the pepper they saw that the hatter was already gone, where he had been a few seconds ago was a note with a chibi drawing of him giving them the thumbs up that said: 'Nice try, but you're too slow'

Two twin pink haired girls took offense to that "We'll beat ya!" they shouted to the heavens, hoping he could hear them.

_'Hmm...he's a strange one...'_ thought the small vampire girl, scowling a bit '_It doesn't help he's completely insane and has that much power…I might need more measures_'

_'Naruto-sensei...I can't tell if he's a threat or not'_ thought Setsuna worriedly.

Kaede discreetly looked at Mana, the gunslinger nodded back as she left the bath.

Yep, things were getting interesting...

XXXXXX

Next morning after the bathhouse incident, Naruto saw how his redhead girlfriend tried to help Asuna with magic…only to make the younger girl angrier. After that Negi tried to help the Idiot Rangers with their tests…needless to say, Asuna, Kaede, Makie, Ku Fei and Yue honored that title…but at least they got better by trying hard, something the hatter respected…though Asuna still needed help, mostly with her temper.

Now, here they were, another normal day, with the hatter and his girl playing Black Jack, the insane blond winning by a big shot. Shizuna then started a conversation with the girl, asking Negi if she had gotten used to being a teacher, Negi, being the sincere and honest girl she was said she was trying her best…but then:

"Sensei/Negi-sensei!" cried both Ako and Makie respectively, the former saying "There's a fight in the school" the latter adding while pointing to a large bruise in her hand "Look at this! Please, help us, sensei!"

"Eh? Who could have done such a terrible thing?" the teenager teacher asked in disbelief, before turning to her crazy boyfriend "Naruto-kun, let's go, we have to stop the fight!" He smirked an insane smile, making Negi add "And please don't do anything evil" she whispered, making him pout.

Once arriving they saw Yuuna being dragged away by an elder student with the black high school uniform. Negi, being the innocent girl she was, approached them and shouted for them to stop, and then spoke "Why are you bothering my students? Bothering people isn't right! I don't like this as a staff member…"

Then, there was a bit of silence that the hatter had expected when someone saw his girlfriend, she was extremely cute and beautiful for her age, to the point she even attracted the eyes of her own gender. He just stood away, a sly grin in his features as he knew what would happen next…

"SO CUUUUUTE!" shouted the whole group of senior students, hugging, touching, poking and doing a lot of other things to the now squirming terrified redhead teenager that they had terrified in their grip, Naruto actually had a smile on his face at that, but knew he should do something since Negi was his girlfriend.

"Waaah! Stop please!" shouted the utterly terrified Negi, and Naruto took it as his cue to act…or would have, had it not been for:

"Stop that, you witches!"

Naruto turned just in time to see Asuna launch a dodge ball at the speeds of a bullet against the apparent leader of the senior girls. Not so surprisingly, the class rep was with her, he deduced that both were working together but for different reasons, Asuna to stop the fight while Ayaka was obviously there to protect the childish teacher…then, somehow, the classes started to fight about who was to have Negi, and Naruto knew he had to interrupt, and another person had the same idea:

"Sorry, Takamichi, but as Negi's boy I must help my gal" he said with an insane smirk that terrified the elder man.

"I'm not so sure about your methods, Naruto-kun, but be my guest" Takamichi said, knowing that Naruto would act no matter what.

"Just watch this" said Naruto, then approached the elder girls "Excuse me, ladies" he said with his friendly smile back in place, getting the attention from the senior class "I'm not afraid nor ashamed to inform you of this, but Negi-chan has the free will to teach whatever class she so desires to. Now, please let go of my girlfriend before I have to use forceful measures…" He trailed off, letting the threat fly… then:

*Sching!*

Negi grew wide-eyed when she saw the poker card in her boyfriend's right hand, meaning only one thing…something was about to be cut to pieces. But the fact here was that something had already been cut to pieces…and the high school girls noticed in horror that it was their clothes. "KYAAAAA!" the girls shouted while the 3-A class laughed out loud when the black uniforms fell as ribbons. The high school girls ran while their leader shouted back "We will remember this, you crazy hatter!"

Naruto mock bowed to their retreating forms as the girls laughed at the high school class even more, though Negi seemed disappointed in herself.

XXXXXX

After that incident Naruto and the class walked to their gym period, he noted that Negi wasn't there, only for a new and bigger disaster to come when they saw Negi was kidnapped by the high school girls and class 3-A demanded back the small redhead teen, before said redhead teacher stopped the incoming fight…by blowing up the elder girls' skirts with one of her sneezes.

"Fine then" the obvious leader of the senior class said "How about this? We'll play a game of dodge-ball" then she pointed to the hatter "But since it would be unfair to have all of you against us and a grown man, and the fact we want vengeance, we're going to compete against that stupidly smiling crazy hatter" she then patted Negi like a puppy, the redhead blushing at the attention "And we also want to play against this cutie, but we won't hurt her too badly, she's almost like a doll, too cute to harm"

The girls would have protested had said blond not said "Fine by me" he then let his hat shadow his eyes as he smiled even more, his blue orbs shone in the darkness of his hat's brim's shadow as he added "Don't get mad at me for humiliating you…"

"Grr…you wish" the leader said.

The hatter chuckled darkly "That's cute, you're faking anger to hide your fear" he said, which sent a shiver down the spine of the high school girls since he nailed it.

Once released Negi ran at her boy's side and both stood ready for the game. With one quick movement of his cloak around him and his girl Naruto threw the big orange piece of clothing as if it were a magician's cape…revealing him and Negi now in different uniforms. Negi blushed at what she was wearing, a simple white Mahora T-shirt that hugged her more than generous blossom and red sport panties that showed her womanly legs…many of the girls either felt jealous or stared at her with blushes on their cheeks…some did both.

Naruto for his part called the attention since he was dressed in what not a single person would call fitting…except in a circus. A coat with black and white vertical stripes and puffy orange buttons with a very frilly collar along with puffy orange pants, white gloves in his hands and what definitely were fitting orange jester's shoes…He was dressed like a clown. His top hat was gone and his hair was still braided, though he now wore white makeup all over his face and big tears made with an orange liner were painted on his face.

"How…?" practically everyone but Negi asked, the girls were way too shocked to say something at the fact a single wave of a cloak changed a girl and a man in less than a second as if it were a magic trick.

"Showtime!" the demon exclaimed as if that were a real answer.

"Get them!" the leader shouted as all high school girls ran at the balls and grabbed them, the hatter and the mage girl did nothing. Then, taking a target, half the group attacked Negi while the other half attacked Naruto.

They were in for a big surprise when Negi simply grabbed the first ball thrown at her, shocking everyone and herself as she noted that the force behind it was above the average human, she didn't try to dwell on that thought and used the ball to stop the incoming attacks, bounding them back. Naruto for his part caught all the attacks his way with one hand and then proceeded to throw them high in the air after passing it to the other before he started juggling them as if he were a circus clown…and with his outfit that was what everyone saw him as.

The clown's smile made the high scholars feel true fear as he said the words that sealed their defeat "Game over!" and before anyone knew it Negi had thrown her ball at one of the girls, hitting her dead in the face, before Naruto passed her one of the balls he was juggling and she threw it at another victim, repeating the process until over half of the girls were down…with large bruises on their faces. Then they just grabbed the balls either thrown at them or laying on the floor and repeated the process, Negi impressing her students with her strength…until all the high scholars were knocked out cold.

Negi sweat-dropped "I might have overdone it…" she said.

Naruto flashed her a smile "You kidding?" he said and wrapped an arm around the now blushing cute redhead "I like it when my gal shows how much power she has by kicking ass" he said, and even if he said it vulgarly Negi's face got red in both embarrassment and pride as some of the girls were thinking how they wanted that.

"You're just saying that…" she said, enjoying his warmth, though wishing he got rid of the creepy makeup.

XXXXXX

The next day, Naruto, back in his not so normal clothing, looked up at Negi with amusement as the redhead teen tried to get Makie to translate for her. It was sometimes easy to forget that Negi taught English, which for some reason was one of the hardest things to learn for a lot of Japanese students. Of course, Ayaka seemed to be more than eager to help Negi translate, most likely to gain Naruto's small girlfriend's affections. He actually smiled at this since despite being seen wrongly he could tell she genuinely liked the girl even if the two were of the same gender…he could just guess and say that it had to be Negi's pure heart and incredible innocence, she was just like a child and that was definitely what got Ayaka after the redhead girl.

(Meanwhile)

In the dean's office "I see… so Negi-chan is doing well…" the old headmaster brought a hand to his beard.

"Yes Mr. Principal," Shizuna said, "She gets along great with her students, and she does her best with the course… you wouldn't think she was 16 years old. As the guidance councilor I'd have to pass her as a teacher. Plus, Naruto-san has also helped her in what was needed, and sometimes one could say that the class is the one doing the teaching" she answered.

"I see, and how is Naruto-kun doing?" Konoeman asked.

"Truth be told, the girls seem to enjoy having him with them even if he's rather…ahem, eccentric, he seems to be like a jester to give them a big merry mood. I honestly don't think you could force those two out of here without the girls starting an uprising" she finished with a proud smile.

"I think it's time I set them both a test" Konoeman said stroking his beard "One that can test both their magical potential" he said getting a confused look from the nurse.

"Naruto-kun can use magic?" she asked.

But the dean shook his head "No, he doesn't…but he has something that more than makes up for it…and that would terrify even gods"

XXXXXX

Naruto and Negi were walking along the hall with Yuuna and Makie, Naruto currently making Yuuna laugh by having a full set of tea cups piled above his hat while he walked normally and occasionally took a cup. Makie was humming a happy tune and giggling at the man's antics, and Negi was in thought as she looked at the other classes. "All those other classes seem to be working really hard…" Negi said.

"Ah! That's right!" Yuuna said as she stopped her laughing fit as Naruto took off his hat…which had the tea set glued to it "It's almost time for the end of the term exam for us middle scholars" she continued getting nods from the two teachers.

"It's next Monday, Negi-chan!" Make added her input in her typical cheerful voice.

"Heh… end of the terms exams, eh?" Negi mumbled with a shocked expression, "Must be pretty tough…" she trailed off as if she just remembered something… "Wait a second, 2-A has to take those exams as well, is it ok just to slack off like this?" she asked in a panic. Naruto simply started to pull the cups and plates from one another and putting them back in his hat.

Yuuna just waved it off, "Ahaha… our school is an escalator school, so it doesn't really matter…"she said rubbing the back of her head.

Makie smiled as she slapped Negi on the back, "Especially 2-A… we're always the worst class in the year, but somehow it all turns out ok…"

While Negi looked like she was about to freak out, Naruto noticed an odd looking trophy. It had what looked like a golden bouquet on top of a plaque stand. "What's that flower trophy for?" he asked with his hat back in place, the tea set already sealed inside.

"Ah…" Makie said as she saw where Naruto-kun was looking, "that goes to the class that does the best in the test" she explained and Naruto began thinking like Negi of how to motivate the students into getting the trophy.

"You think we can put the class in the other side of the tea party, Negi-chan?" asked Naruto with a smile.

"Yes, I'm sure we can do it, Naruto-kun" she said happily, ignoring the weird comment as Shizuna came behind them both.

"Negi-sensei, Naruto-sensei" she called making both wave to her.

"Hello Shizuna-sensei, what can we do for you?" asked Negi politely.

"The dean asked me to give this to you" she replied.

"Eh? MY FINAL TASK" Negi yelled. The envelope said: Teacher-in-Training Negi Final Task.

Naruto took a look at the letter, it said that the test was for class 2-A not to be the worse scoring class this year, he looked back to Negi who seemed to be panicking "Come on, Negi-chan, where's that focused teacher I love and work with now? The girl I fell for wouldn't back down no matter what kind of chilly sensation ran down her spine" he said holding her shoulder with his right hand, looking warmly and lovingly at her eyes, making her smile as the other two girls felt jealous as she calmed down "Let's join the class then, shall we?" he said as he opened the door for her.

"Today we'll be having a big cram session for the homeroom period!" Negi shouted with frantic excitement. "It's almost time for the end of the term exams!" she began waving her hands about furiously as she spoke, Naruto simply made a tower with sugar cubes as he figured Negi would have a bit of a panic attack but knew she would have to learn to deal with it. "Uh… um… actually something really bad will happen if we're the worst class in the year again! Everyone let's give it our best shot and study as hard as we can!"

"Negi sensei, that's a wonderful suggestion," Ayaka spoke with her hands in a prayer sign as she looked at her in adoration.

"Hey, I've got a suggestion!" Sakurako, one of the cheerleaders, shouted as she raised her hand.

"Yes, Sakurako-san?" asked Negi glad to know that someone had an idea for studying because she was stumped.

"Let's do an English phrase study!" her happy voice resounded through the room. "Yakyuken!" to this Naruto took a moment to realize that Sakurako was essentially talking about a strip version of rock-paper-scissors or English questions in this case. '(_This is…all man's dream_)' '_I love my life_'

Before he could do a joke about it, Negi said "Well then, let's begin!" Negi said with great enthusiasm, making Naruto smirk as he thanked that his girl's lack of japanese made things so fun for him while he walked over to Negi, who was looking at a chart as the girls began questioning each other. He saw that a few girls of the class were high up in the rating including Chizuru and Kazumi. However a lot of the class was in the lower half and then there were the self proclaimed Idiot Rangers. Naruto realized as did Negi that the situation looked a bit bad for them at the moment.

'_These girls have even worse grades than I did…and the teachers were more into failing than helping me!_' '(_You're telling me? Those five are dumber than the incoming object at two o'clock_)' Naruto listened to his madness' advice and caught something that was thrown at him… and found it was a bra, he turned to the class to find the Idiot Rangers stripped down to their bra and panties, Makie and Asuna without bras making Naruto figure he was holding Asuna's due to cup size. '(_Welcome to the pervert side of the force…we've got cookies_)' Negi gaped and grew extremely flustered as Naruto blushed… yet he discreetly admired Kaede and Asuna who were the two girls with the best figures out of the five '_Not gonna lie, I'm enjoying this_' '(_That means you're a normal man_)'

"Wh… What the heck are you all doing?" Negi screamed.

Sakurako answered in a happy voice, "If you can't answer you have to strip! It's Yakyuken!"

Naruto grinned as he turned to his girl and whispered "You seriously need to better your japanese, Negi-chan…remember that time when you mistook my sake for medicine and...ahem, took a look at my manliness" as Negi grew incredibly flustered at the reminder of how she knew how much of a man her boy was after stripping him, fortunately for her he had been able to wake her up before she did something she might have regretted doing…not conscious at least.

Naruto then turned to the Idiot Rangers '(_Houston, we've got five big problems)_' '_Roger that_' He suddenly heard "Idiot Rangers, assemble!" from Kaede. He turned to see three of the girls in a strange pose that he found quite funny, reminded him of what he used to do as a kid…he then couldn't hold it.

He smiled a very wide smirk and shouted "Alpha, we need five girls, with an attitude!" the whole class laughed at the joke.

At this sight the poor redhead teacher gave a very tired sigh in a very depressed state "At this rate I'm going to fail and leave the country" muttered Negi… only for Naruto to hit her lightly in the back of the head.

"Don't think so little about the small things here, Negi-chan, people say challenges give strength, and this challenge seems to be in five parts" he said as he turned to the class "Alright ladies, that's enough of this game since Bell-chan has nothing left and I think she'd like to stop this rather weird spectacle…or could it be perhaps that you girls like that side of the fence?" he said sending a crazy grin to the girls who were blushing madly as he gave Asuna the uniform as well as the other Idiot Rangers.

Naruto took Negi outside so she could calm down from the craziness of her class.

"W-w-what should I do? At this rate…" Negi panicked.

Naruto held her shoulders "Negi-chan, deep breath, then say 'Goosfraba'" he told her as the redhead did so… and a bad idea came to her mind:

"Ah, I remember now, there's a forbidden magic that makes a person super smart for three days" she said remembering the spell "The only side effect is that everyone goes PA in about a month. But there's no helping that now" she said and was about to cast said spell… only to be hit in the back of the head by a now clothed Asuna as Naruto was busy eating the sugar cubes from his tower at very fast speeds like a certain insane man from Pandora Hearts.

"What kind of idiotic plan is it this time? Get over here right now" Asuna said pulling Negi to the stairs as Naruto followed, still devouring cube after cube of sugar "What the hell is wrong with you? Doing something crazy at a time like this, stop relying on magic all the time!" She shouted and would have said more had Naruto not interjected

"Now, Asuna-chan, please don't be too hard on her, childish actions sometimes come out in desperate times when fear and panic strike us" he said after munching the last sugar cube as she calmed down a bit.

Negi got embarrassed and began poking her fingers together "But if we remain the worst class I won't be able to be a teacher or a great mage" she mumbled. Asuna huffed, before she handed her a notebook which showed improving test scores "Amazing, you really can do it…even though these are still pretty bad marks" said Negi as Naruto barely contained his chuckles for the last remark.

"Even I'm trying my best, gees…wasn't it you that said courage is the real magic?" Asuna added "I don't know about your ambition to be a mage or whatever, but having someone who only half-heartedly wants to teach for a homeroom teacher. I'd feel sorry for the students…well, see ya" she said as Naruto nodded and followed her back to class.

But Negi had a spark of realization, to which she ran outside… It was going to be a long day tomorrow.

XXXXXX

Later on at the bath house, Naruto was enjoying himself as Negi said she wanted to be alone for a certain project, and also he had the luck of yet again to be taking his bath with the other girls joining him. Thankfully, after what happened last time, it had turned into kind of a rule to always wear swimsuits whenever one took a bath since it was hard knowing when a person of the opposite gender could see you as the day you were born. But the girls were pleased and thankful for their sensei's consideration and continued with their baths, albeit with blushes as they stared at his body…letting their imaginations run wild when they got a bit of his silhouette through the swimming trunks.

"Asuna, Asuna, big news!" shouted Konoka as she arrived with Yue, Nodoka and Haruna, the shy girl blushing by being at Naruto's side.

"What is it, Konoka?" asked Asuna taking note of Haruna smiling very happily.

"There's been a rumor going round that the school. The class that scores lowest in the exam will be broken up" she said.

The other girls were shocked at this and a few turned to Naruto to ask, he sensed this "Before you ask something that even someone as incredibly eccentric but humble and good-looking as myself might find ridiculous '(_Dude, stop overdoing it_)' the class won't be broken up if you score lowest" the girls sighed in relief, but: "If you score lowest, then Negi-chan is fired" he said bluntly while eating a strawberry popsicle he seemed to have pulled from thin air.

"What do you mean Negi-sensei will get fired?" asked Konoka in a shock that the rest of the girls shared, all of them wondering what would happen to the two.

"Apparently, the dean sent her the task to see if she had what it took to teach the class, Konoka-chan" he replied.

"But what happens to you and her, Naruto-sensei?" asked Haruna beside him concerned for her shy friend just as Yue tried to calm down the panicking Nodoka.

"I didn't ask, but I probably won't be able to teach the class either, not because of having some screws loose but because I'm only an assistant. So, as Negi-chan's boyfriend, I'll follow my girlfriend to wherever she goes" he told her as the girls began to panic.

"This is bad, we're the ones who drag down the class!" said a frantic Makie.

"Even if we study ourselves to death we won't make it by Monday-aru" said Ku Fei.

Asuna on the other hand was sadly thinking _'Out of us I'm the one dragging the class down the most…_'

"If it's come to this then maybe we'll have to go look for that thing after all" said Yue perking Naruto's curiosity.

"What, what is it? Do you have a solution, Yue?" asked Asuna with new hope on her voice.

"You guys know about Library Island, right? It's where our library expedition club goes" said Yue sipping her juice box to calm not only everyone but reassure Nodoka, the shy girl was getting her hopes up as Yue got nods from the rest of the rangers.

"Yeah, that giant building that floats in the middle of the lake, right?" said Asuna.

"The truth is deep within Library Island…there is apparently a magic book that makes the reader more intelligent" she told them in a dramatic way, shocking them all, including Naruto "Well, I've always just thought it was some really good textbook or something. But still it'd be a pretty useful thing to have" she continued.

"Oh Yue, that's just an urban legend" said Haruna brushing off the idea.

"There are a lot of weird people in our class but there can't really be such a thing as magic, can there?" added Makie.

"I say we all go" came the voice of Naruto surprising them "Truth be told, legends, lies and truth share very thin lines separating them in this world of chaos. It's no wonder when legends and lies can become a reality when one looks at their secrets…so, should we go?" he explained and asked earning nods of approval from Asuna and Yue.

XXXXXX

The five rangers, the underground communications team (Haruna, Konoka and Nodoka) the teacher and the insane jester of 2-A stood outside the secret entrance to Library Island; this latter was dressed in a way even weirder than when he had the dodge ball match with Negi against the high school girls. He had a pair of extremely baggy orange pants, black shoes, a loose straightjacket (which freaked the girls a bit)…and the biggest and weirdest of hats, it was a top hat about two feet long, a bit curved to the side and covered in astrological symbols (American McGee's Mad Hatter's hat). He still had his gloves and silver rings in his hands and his poker card about insanity was now attached to the new hat.

"Schools, libraries and secrets…which of all can be the weirdest?" commented Naruto in his riddle like way, more awake than Negi was, the poor girl was about to fall asleep as she only wore a full body blue pajamas set, pants and all, mainly because Asuna had forced her to use clothes to avoid another surprise when waking up, or at least to reduce the shock by avoiding seeing the redhead naked and cuddling to her.

"You'd be surprised by the mysteries of this library, Naruto-sensei, but be careful as the lower levels of the library are off limits and said to have traps and stuff down there" warned Yue.

"Seems a bit much for a library, de-gozaru" said Kaede.

"I'm sure we'll have some fun and maybe extra time for some nice Darjeeling or a cup of Earl Grey, Kaede-chan" the hatter said as the girl grinned.

Haruna giggled perversely as she eyed the interactions '_Naruto-kun is such a gentleman…no wonder Nodoka likes him…but it seems that Kaede and even Asuna could make some competition, and Chizuru's no slouch herself_'

Asuna turned and whispered to Negi "Negi, make sure you protect us with your magic just in case" she asked for added safety, but…

"Oh, my magic, I…um, kind of, uh…sealed it" the small redhead said bashfully.

XXXXXX

The group walked down a set of stairs to come to a room that really did define the word library, Naruto himself had never seen so many books in one place "This is basement level 3 of Library Island. It's said that us middle-scholars are forbidden to go any further than this" said Yue with her juice box in place.

"Asuna-san, please take a look at this, this book is very rare" said Negi reaching for said book '(_Lover boy, be a man and help your girl_)' the voice in Naruto's head said while the girl got the book in her hands…only to have an arrow shot out, which was caught in Naruto's tight right fist '(_Awesome boyfriend manliness reassured!_)'.

The hatter let out a sigh of relief after his girlfriend recognized how near she had been of not listening to his next weird speech "Careful in the alleys of the island made of books, arrows signal your way and your death" he said snapping the arrow in two by tightening his grip as Negi, Asuna and Makie panicked over the real arrow trap while Yue made a mental note to see how good the hatter was with writing books.

"This is Yue, we've reached basement level three" said Yue to the other group above ground.

"By the way… why are we coming down here?" asked Negi. After explaining why they were there… "Eh, there's a magic book here and it makes the reader smarter?" she shouted

"That's about the size of it" and "Help us, sensei" were the comments of Konoka and Makie.

"Hey Asuna-san, didn't you tell me today not to rely on magic?" asked Negi flailing her arms about.

"It's an emergency this time, so let me off the hook without the lecture just this once, besides, Naruto said we should go ahead with it" the younger redhead said as Negi looked at said insane hatter.

"What?" the blond asked with a raised brow "Desperate times require desperate measures, even if despair brings insanity along its way for a solution"

"Do you really have to talk like that?" Asuna dead-panned, the hatter smirked.

"Now, now, how would I enjoy my own insanity if I didn't make my life funnier?" '(_Oh, mental high-five!_)' he asked as the girl and his girl sweat-dropped, mentally giving himself a high-five.

"Hey Yue-chan, how much further do we have to walk?" asked Makie as Yue took out her map.

"I secretly took this map from the club room. It's supposed to be a treasure map. Right now we're here, if we go down to the basement level 11 and head along this underground passage it seems we'll reach the book" the juice loving girl explained.

"It looks like it'll take 4 hours for the round trip and right now it's 7 pm" said Asuna.

"We should make it back in time for bed, right?" asked Makie.

"Ok, if this all works out we can stop them from firing Negi and Naruto. We're coming to get you, magic book" said Asuna pumping her fist.

XXXXXX

As they made their way through the library Naruto learned that some of the girls had abilities that he felt were very unusual for girls that were not ninja. Such as Makie's use of her ribbon to catch herself from falling or Ku Fei using her martial arts to destroy a rigged bookshelf as the martial artist and Kaede caught the falling books, Negi on the other hand was showing that without her magic she really was just a regular girl, though well gifted in more than one way. But he smiled however as Asuna looked after Negi and kept her from doing anything stupid.

"Negi, your hand is freezing, are you cold?" she asked as she helped the smaller but older redhead up to the books shelf.

"Just a little" she said shivering a bit.

"It's because we brought you along in your pajamas" she sighed as she took off her coat and put it on her "Look… here, put this on" she looked up only to find Naruto giving her a grateful smile, Asuna looked away as a blush stained her cheeks.

"Asuna, considering you said you hated childish persons you've sure been kind to Negi-chan lately, haven't you?" Konoka said with a bright smile, "So, why the change in heart?"

"Eh… well, there's no helping it, is there?" she asked as the image of a warmly smiling mad hatter caused her to blush again "This girl lost her ma-" she stopped herself just before she could let out that Negi was a mage.

Yue took out her head set as Nodoka contacted them, "This is the above ground team. There's a rest stop right ahead of you, so please take a break soon and have your packed lunches"

"All right" Kaede said with a smile.

"We've been waiting for this-aru!" Ku Fei shouted as she ran to the rest stop. The group sat down and took out their food while Naruto pulled out a very large bento box he had made out of his hat, amazing the girls with his magical tricks "Wow, you're good. Have you ever performed as a magician-aru?" asked Ku Fei seeing the lavish spread of food he had.

"Nah, the stage ain't my thing, I'm more into helping Negi-chan here" the hatter said off handedly to which said redhead teen teacher blushed at while Kaede opened one of her eyes at the sight of the food.

"Can we have some?" she asked, getting a nod as he offered her some food from his which she accepted. Taking a bite she immediately loved it "Oh Kami!" she practically moaned "Naruto-sensei, who taught you to cook? This is delicious, de-gozaru!" asked/complimented Kaede.

Naruto smiled warmly at the girls, causing a few to blush as his warm smile was always true and caring. For him cooking was one of the few skills he'd had to learn when he was a kid and was happy for the praise since he never did know how truly good he was "I'm self-taught in most things, I mostly do everything through trial and error, and I'm glad you like it. Would anyone else like to try?" he asked getting nods. The group all instantly agreed with Kaede that his food was delicious.

"How about ramen? Can you do miso, de-gozaru?" the narrow-eyed girl asked hopefully while trying to control her blush as he smiled.

"You name the ramen, I can make it, I'd be happy to make a batch when we get back, Kaede-chan" he answered making her blush for his thoughtfulness and Asuna pout as Negi chuckled a bit, giving Naruto a knowing smile '(_Oh, you player…you're my hero_)'

After the heavenly meal the group soon found their way again on the map and ended up climbing into the book shelves as they continued across the library. Eventually they had gotten to a small tunnel where they had to crawl through, Naruto was behind Kaede, the lucky son of a bitch (His crazy mind's words) swore she was purposefully stopping abruptly so that he got a good luck at her panties… mainly because the skirt she wore and the position they were in didn't leave him that much of a choice but see the pink cloth.

"Yue-chan, are we there yet?" asked Naruto, not bothering to look away from the pink panties as with the position everyone was in they'd force themselves back into his view…and yeah, he was enjoying it '(_Thanks for joining the perverted side of the force, now we have free shirts for every new member available in our nearest conventions_)'

"Just a little bit further to go" she replied "Our senpais from the university branch of the club can't fit into spaces like these. This means that we the middle school club are the first to explore this place" she told them.

"Then it must be exciting being the first here" commented Negi getting a nod from Yue.

She looked back at them "It's a testament to the athletic ability of the Idiot Rangers that we made it this far. Congratulations" she pointed to a crate "Now come, the book is up ahead" They lifted up the grate and found themselves in a large room with two stone golems, one with a hammer and one with a sword.

"A… A-Amazing! This place is unbelievable!" Asuna shouted.

"Fantasy and reality, have you two finally met each other?" asked Naruto in a dramatic way as he was looking at it and was surprised, yet felt like something was going to happen… like it usually did in this kind of situations '(_My good sir, we're about to be neck deep in some really smelly situation_)' '_That means I'm alive_'

"I've seen this place before-aru!" Ku Fei shouted, "On my brother's Playstation! It's the last boss chamber-aru!" '(_Damn, knew it looked familiar…too much Final Fantasy and Dragon Quest maybe_)'

"It's the vault of the magic book," Yue stated with a small smile, "We made it"

"To think such a place was right under our school!" Asuna laughed as she looked around.

"Look! There's the book!" Negi shouted as she pointed to the altar in front of the doors "That's the legendary book of Merkisidek" she continued.

"You mean… it's the real thing?" Asuna asked in shock.

"Real thing?" Negi shouted in disbelief, "This is a magical text of the highest level! It's true that you might become a bit smarter by reading it, but it's not as simple as…"

"Negi-chan really knows her stuff, doesn't she?" Konoka asked '(_You have no idea, baby_)'

"Well then, let's go!" Asuna shouted as she and the other girls ran off towards the book but Naruto's senses were tingling '(_Shush, my 'It's a goddamn trap' senses are tingling_)'

"Everyone stop! It's likely to be protected if it's a valuable book!" the crazy hatter shouted as he, Negi and Konoka ran after them… only for the bridge they were walking on open up making them fall into a pit. Naruto and Kaede landed on their feet, the hatter was quick enough to catch his girl, who was currently in the arms of her boyfriend blushing a storm but enjoying the warmth of his body, while everyone else fell on their asses "Everyone okay?" he asked as he settled Negi down, getting a disappointed moan from her and groans that seemed a bit more affirmative than negative from the others.

Asuna rubbed her head before looking at the ground, "This is…" she started "…Twister," Makie finished as they looked at the twister board under them.

"HOHOHO…" Everyone looked up to see the two stone golems had come alive and were now facing them, "If you want this book you'll have to answer my questions first! Hohoho!" Naruto raised an eyebrow at that, not only was the laugh and the voice incredibly familiar, but what the rocky guardian was saying was more than suspicious…'(_This is a joke, right?_)' '_If it is then he needs a better sense of humor_'

"Wh-wh-what the hell! The statues are moving!" Asuna yelled in shock.

"First question," the golem said, "what is the English translation for difficult?"

"E-everyone, calm down!" Negi said, "It'll be ok! If you answer the questions properly, we should be able to get out of this trap!" she pointed to the twister board, "Just press the corresponding translation letters for difficult!"

As the game went on the girls were giving correct answers but they ended up in more and more provocative positions, Naruto discreetly looked at the right spots when he was damn sure they weren't aware of his sight's range…oh yeah, maybe this trap wasn't so bad after all. '(_Finally, our ninja training in flexibility paid off!_)'

Finally they got to the last question "Final question, what's the translation for dish?" the golem asked.

"I got it, it's osara" said Asuna in her twisted position.

"Osara, ok" said Makie as she and Asuna moved to the right spaces to spell the translation "O…SA…RA" they spelled… only to press the pas for RU by mistake.

"Wrong, Hohoho!" laughed the golem as he lifted the hammer and smashed the platform they were standing on.

"Asuna, you monkey!" shouted Ku Fei as they fell through the big hole beneath the broken platform; as they were falling Naruto had to act quickly before any of the girls were injured.

Thankfully it was dark so no one stopped him when he smirked…and ethereal golden arms with claws shaped like a fox's paw shot from his own persona, grabbing the girls and bringing them closer to him while he had a hand keeping his new hat in place and the other keeping his girl a bit closer to him. '(_This is gonna hurt tomorrow_)' '_I know_'

XXXXXX

"What's going on down there?" Haruna asked.

"P-please reply," Nodoka said into the head set.

"…" was the response.

"Awawawa! What should we do? What should we do?" Haruna began to freak out.

"We've got to contact someone," Nodoka reasoned.

"But everyone's asleep at this hour!"

**XXXXXX**

**And done, now, next chapter will have a rather interesting fight and a small revelation of Naruto's past…as well as showing his and Negi's true power and…a secret**


	4. Chapter 4

This is a list of the fics I can't continue making, sorry but the inspiration left me and I just cannot keep up: A Kitsune's Life, Titanic Kitsune (maybe), Umbra Vixen, No More Kitsunes, Wise Kitsune, Vengeance and Righteousness, and the two Negima fics. Sorry fellas but I cannot keep on writing them... I might not delete them and even keep on writing them, though doing some modifications to the chapters, but as said before I lost my inspiration for them...

No, don't blame it on lack of reviews, I never cared about those. I only made thee fics for myself yet I, as a writer, am getting better and evolving and when looking back at the past I somewhat smile yet feel ashamed of some of my mistakes... Sigh... I wish I could keep on making you all happy with those fics but by the end of this day I'll either delete them or create a new, better version

Whatever their fates are they'll be posted in a few hours, and nobody will change my mind once I do it


	5. Chapter 5

New version:

Negi's Crazy Kitsune Stand!

**Warning**: MANLINESS! There are some big and heavy Jojo's Bizarre Adventure influences, Hotheaeded and older than canon Negi (at his 15 years of age) a la Kamina from Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann and Ryoma from Getter Robot and badass battle-crazed Jubi-Naruto a la Augus from Asura's Wrath.

**Plot**: Naruto sacrificed a lot of lives to make sure Madara's plan didn't destroy the world. He's been sealed for milleniums with the girls that loved him as the most powerful being in existence, yet nobody knew of his power... Until Nagi Springfield found him and left him in care of his son. When the demons attacked, Negi was cornered, until a voice rang loud, "What're you waiting for, kid? An invitation? Let me KILL their asses!" Thus the most unusual duo of ultimate power was born... anyone in their path can consider his ass to be grass.

What? Oh... you want manliness, don't you? Well... For the first round of Epic Stand User Negi vs Evangeline here's a bit of the work I've been doing with my friends and BETA's sketchfan and The Lord Of Pages:

Negi: Hey, aren't you one of the girls at my class? What're you doing hurting Miyazaki?!

Eva: Just feeding on her blood. I simply needed a boost in energy to get closer to you, Negi Springfield. All of it to reach that bastard of your father who sealed me here.

Negi: My old man? What of it?

Eva: I'll tell you, if you can catch up with me.

Negi: Don't wanna.

Eva: (Face-fall) W-W-WHAAAAAAAAT?! Aren't you HIS son?! Don't you want to know where the Hell that bastard is?!

Negi: I kinda do and I kinda don't. If I ever meet my old man... (Slams fist into his palm.) The first thing I'll do will be to introduce his face to my knuckles for being such a lame father!

Eva: Oh come on! You should be worried about his whereabouts and want to find him like a good son!

Negi: Like Hell! I don't want anything to do with my old man, and if I ever find him I've got another person who wants to punch him in the kisser! So I prefer not to see him after he gave me nothing to thank him save my life, then again I don't feel like thaning him for that after letting me and my cousin alone and about to die. If I ever do meet him I want to punch his face and tell him a piece of my mind after I'm done beating his face in.

Eva: Grrr... You imbecile! You're supposed to be fighting for him! At least in order to allow me to find him myself and give him a piece of MY mind!

Negi: Nah, finders, keepers, losers, weepers, you pint-sized chibi vampire.

Eva: GrrrrrRRRAAAAAHHHHHH! I'll freaking kill you, you insolent BRAT!

Negi: So, you want my blood? What's a chibi vampire like you gonna get out of it?

Eva: My freedom from that bastard of your father's seal and my full power back.

Negi: And you want to KILL me for that?! Geesh, I expected girls to come after me for advices in class, not to literally be the death of me.

Eva: Shut it, you'll be lucky if I even consider to let enough blood in you to allow you to become my pet

Negi: Sorry, the only women I ever just show minimal respect by not calling them a nickname are all in my head, literally. And for me they're all scarier than you. *Especially Anko.*

Eva: Chachamaru! (Commands her magic puppet to come out, carrying a large anti-material rifle.) Fire at will!

Chachamaru: Roger, mistress. Sorry, Negi-sensei... Thank you for helping me with the cats... (Fires several rounds at the standing Negi who crosses his arms and takes them all. He doesn't fall but his clothes and body are scorched, but they're nothing compared to the anger in him.)

Negi: Using another person to fight your battles... Least my master does so willingly! (Flies at Evangeline with a fist ready to strike her across the face. Chachamru instantly runs in to protect her master and fires several rounds from a machine gun. Negi deflects the first shots but gets some damage, making him cry in pain when the bullets exploded and sent him flying back and away from Evangeline in a ball of flames.)

Eva: Easy, Chachamaru, we need his blood, not his ashes-

Naruto: URYYYYYAAAAAAAAA! (From behind the teen's body appears a large, golden, ten-tailed kitsune with a black kimono and red steel gauntlets, rushing through the flames and covering Negi with his arms before punching the flames out of their way. Chachamaru fires at them again with all of her armory, but to her surprise the enormous kitsune just pucnhes every single bullet out of his and Negi's way as he cries in righteous fury.) Seiseiseiseiseiseiseiseisei! DEEEEEERRYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Punches a large projectile back to Chachamaru who had to duck for cover, leaving a now scared Evangeline open for Negi's punch.)

Negi: If you're going to have someone fighting for you...Act like a real man and fight ALONG them! (Punches the tiny girl in her jaw, sending her crashing through several buildings and land in a small crater.)

Eva: H-How... What the hell is that demon in him?

Negi: He is my master... and my Aniki! (Says epically as he hooks a thumb to his ches, the wind blowing his coat to make it fly in the air.)

Sooo... good enough? And yes, it'll be a Negi centric since I'd like to do something new in my fics.

Harems:

**Naruto** - all the girls from his universe, save Sakura for my obvious reasons, and gender-bent ones: Satsuki (FemSasu), Hitomi (FemItachi), Tsuki (FemKiba), Nejiko (FemNeji), Gaia (FemGaara) and Fem Bijuus.

**Negi - **ALL the girls from his class and a FemKotaro.


	6. Chapter 6

OK, OK!

Seen enough bad reviews of my new desicion. SO: This version will get a better re-write! Ok? Yes, it'll have a crazy Naruto AND the cute FemNegi, ok? The other version will have the manly touch... GEESH! What is it? A writer can't choose to be HIMSELF and do something he... Oh, I dunno, LIKES?

You're all TRULY making me angry, in fact, I might not even re-make it and erase THIS version? That's what you all want? Listen, it took me a LOT, and I mean a LOT to keep this fic and then admit to myself that I couldn't keep it up for you all to become emo and cry on me about me doing something I would LIKE to do! I'll try to find something to keep it up since all of you are cutting your wrists like emos for it.

Sigh... Ok, I know I may be overeacting, but I am THE writer and I just wanted something different for once... I'll see what to do to make this story have a re-write that can work, ok? And NO, it is NOT up for adoption. It is mine UNLESS I say so, I'll keep it here until I decide what to do for the re-write.

Swordslinger out!


End file.
